The Fakeicorn
by Zamma2133
Summary: Sometimes life can throw you so many curve balls it gets repetitive. But now life has thrown me the ultimate curve ball. Now trapped in Equestria as an Alicorn with little to no real power I'm gonna have to adjust. I just wish they'd make it easier for me. Now I'm gonna have to survive weird guards and living under royalty. At least I've still got my sanity, right?
1. Chapter 1

(Au Story with some elements of plot. Its mainly a slice of life story. But Hey guys I'm not dead still. But I've decided sorta revise my old story Of Wubs and Rainbows, sorry to say but that story has been cancelled for years now. But I've gotten this idea for something that reminded me of the second part Of Wubs and Rainbows. So I'm being lazy and reusing some elements and adding some new ideas. Hope you guys enjoy-AJ)

The Fakeicorn

Chapter 1

Ponies, Ponies, and more Ponies!

"Yeah, just laying in the creek out behind my house! I know right! Like some gypsy lady just dropped it while on the run!" I chuckle and examine the strange object sitting on my living room table. Its a small pillar with a small orb laying on top. The orb is a very cool sky blue color and seems like it would glow in the dark, while the pillar is white like a cloud. The pillar is carved in the style of a Greek pillar. I have no idea what it is. During a small trip into the forest behind my house I found this laying on its side in the shallow creek. So like the cheap curious schmuck I am, I picked it up and brought it home. Cleaning it up caused it to seem to radiate some strange energy but I can only feeling it.

"So Alex are you free this weekend? No? Aww that's a shame dude. But anyway, huh? Yeah work's going good. Finally putting my college degree to good use. Yeah working down at the hospital. No idiot I'm not a nurse! I'm a BMET, ugh, a Biomedical Equipment Technician, you're stupid you know that?" I groan and pinch the bridge of my nose. My friend Alex can be right fucking moron sometimes, considering we celebrated my new job 6 months ago! Ugh, wait...what's that noise? Aww shit my tea!"Alex! Alex! I gotta go, I'll call you later, bye!" I quickly hang up and throw my phone onto the sofa and rush into my kitchen.

My kitchen isn't very big and isn't very fancy either. In all honesty my entire house isn't very fancy either, pretty bland and boring on the outside. Really it's everything on the inside that counts. I rush over to the stove and take the steaming tea pot off the burner and turn the burner off. I grab a mug from the cabinet and pour myself a cup of piping hot green tea. Not much of a tea drinker usually but once in a while its a good alternative to sodas and coffee. I take a few sips and go back into my living room. I sit down on my sofa and continue admiring the strange device. I figure a quick Google search could solve my curiosity but I already did that with little to no results. I let out a sigh and turn on the TV and try to relax a bit. Honestly thinking back on it, I can't think on a reason why I went out back in the first place. I do sometimes take walks out there but it rained last night and so everything is muddy, which is why that device was so dirty.

"I wonder if you'd fetch a good price?" I ask myself while rubbing my chin. I could always use more money. I'm still paying off my student debts and the loan I took out so I could renovate and actually live in this house. I'm amazed I can even afford my wifi, phone, utilities, my Netflix subscription, ectrea ectrea. I'm still kicking financially! Now I just need to pay off my debts and stay out of trouble and I'll be good for the most of my life. I take another few sips of my tea and sigh. I start looking over the device some more. At the rounded base I find a small slot, and opening it up exposes an electrical cord, wow. Really an electrical cord? What does this have a power cord? Ok time to see what this things does.

I grab the cord and it extends out with about 10 feet of cord. I go to the nearest outlet and plug it in. I hear a loud rumble and look back and see the round orb floating about six inches off the pillar. This...this in unreal. I go back and sit back down and admire the floating blue ball. Wonder if it's like those electric balls that makes your hair stand on end. I reach out and with both hands I caress the orb and the strange energy flows through my hands and up my arms. Its a very comforting yet strange."What is this?" I mutter and I press down on the orb and I let go and watch it pop back up like I pushed it underwater. However it floats higher than I can reach it and the orb is bigger. Uhh why is it bigger? It was barely the size of a softball but now its the size of a watermelon. Suddenly the whole house starts shaking like crazy, shaking enough to knock the pictures off the wall!

Blue energy starts to stream from the orb and electricity starts sparking off. The TV cuts out and my light-bulb explode, thankfully no shards of glass hit me. I'm freaking out and my heart is beating a mile a minute and lightning nearly strikes the lamp near me. I can't move from my spot due to the lightning shooting out everywhere. I realize that I'll probably get fried if I tried to move. I pick up my tea and down the rest. I can only laugh at the face of my 'shocking' demise."I've only got regret, I never got all the merch I wanted from BD..." As soon as I finish that sentence a bolt of lightning arcs out and strikes me straight in the chest. I can't even scream, it hurts, it burns, I feel like my body is melting away. Just fucking finish me already! With one final burst blackness consumes me.

-In Dreamscape-

My eyes shoot open suddenly and I'm lying on the floor, well a floor made of nothingness. I suck in one jagged breath after enough, feeling my lungs burn for oxygen. I try to stand up but only to collapse on one knee. Where am I? All I see is darkness, is this what death is like? Well it sucks! I let out a sigh and sit down on nothing. I don't seem to be floating on anything but I feel odd, besides the searing pain everywhere on my body I feel that same strange energy coursing through me. What kind of blue apocalypse did I unleash? I didn't hear any trumpets though so I don't think I started Judgement Day so good luck everyone else. I feel like I should lay down but I don't think sleeping for eternity would be any fun.

"It would seem that we have finally found you," That voice...that voice..."Seems like your memories show some...rather interesting topics." I turn around not 2 feet away from me, in all her glory, Princess Luna. Yeah that show caught me too. The dark blue alicorn stares at me but I'm pretty sure my memories are just manifesting themselves in odd ways. I let out a sigh."My memories are just playing with me. You're not real." I don't even make eye contact.

"We can assure you that we are just as real as you. But we have many questions. You already know who we are, yes?" I nod and turn around so I'm facing her."Yes I do. You're Princess Luna. I'd say its an honor to meet you but I know I'm dead, and your just a figment of my imagination. Honestly I have no clue how death works." I shrug and she just kinda stares at me.

"We see denial is part one of grief then. We understand that your mental state isn't in the best shape. We are here to help." I stop her right there."Then what's your purpose here then? I can't tell through all of this on what's real and what's fake. I'm pretty sure I'm dead because my last memory is getting violently electrocuted and blacking out. That shit hurt...and actually still hurts. Look am I dead and going to hell or what?"

"You're very much alive. But with...some changes biologically. More will be explained when you wake up."

"Then where am I at then? And why is the Princess of the Night telling me that I'm alive. Ugh...my head hurts...even in purgatory." I groan and rub my temples with my palms. Luna walks over to me and places a hoof on my shoulder."You are in a great deal of stress and pain. But I ask for you to be strong, everypony is worried that you'll die."

"So I'm actually still alive...AGH!" My head erupts into a mind splitting headache."My magic is having advert effects to you, we must leave. We will explain in due time!" Her body starts to dissipate into nothingness. I go to say something but my vision starts to blur again as my head feels like its splitting in two. I collapse on my back and darkness fills my vision again. I hate this.

-Unknown Time-

"He's coming to!"

Light actually hits my eyes for the first time. Bright florescent lights, hospital lights. I feel stiff as a board and I can't feel anything, fingers, legs, toes, nothing. But I can feel my face a bit and in the bottom of my eyes I can see an oxygen mask. How did my life get to this point? To be struck by indoor lightning and paralyzed? I can feel very lightly, my mouth feels like sandpaper and my eyes are dry and itchy but I can't scratch them at all. But my vision are still semi-blurred but something fills my vision, a figure, a pony shaped figure. I can't see clearly, my eyes are still dry."Eyes are dry and bloodshot. Gonna have to give him some eye drops." With that I get something dripped into my eyes and instinctively I blink a few times. After the third time or four time I blink my vision starts to clear up and there's a pony dressed as a doctor looming over my like a hawk, half his face is covered by a medical mask."Eyes are still bloodshot. Sir can you hear me? Nod your head if you can." He asks and I slowly nod, he then takes the oxygen mask off me before he retreats back now where I can't see him at all. I still can't move my head anymore than that little nod.

I can hear a few more voices. But one I can clearly make out is Luna's voice. Her figure looms over me now, but with a slight smile."Welcome back to the land of the living." I can't help but crack a smile smile in return.

"So you do admit I was dead." My voice is scratchy and dry as all hell and it was barely audible, but I'm trying to keep myself from either laughing or crying, I'm confused on which. Luna looks back at someone."Doctor can you raise the bed please?" I feel the bed moving up with the familiar sounds of the hospital bed raising slowly. I can see very familiar faces. I wasn't extremely into the show but I did pick up on names and faces, and I did read a few fanfics. I'm a nerd like that. But anyway back to the Irl ponies staring at me. Of course the Mane Six are here, then there's Princess Luna and Celestia, and Spike, but the last one is kinda new to me. It was Starsomething, oh yeah Starlight Glimmer. The guards and doctors, I have no clue who they are. Wait someone was talking, I think Twilight.

"Hello? You there?" She questions me."Doctor is he slipping back into comatose?" She looks over at the doctor pony. He shakes his head no."No he should be stable for now. Uhh sir can you hear us? Can you speak?" Three simple things come to mind right now.

"Can't move, throat dry, need water." Not as quiet as before but still really faint compared to my regular voice. A small glass of water is levitated in front of my face, thankfully with a straw in it. I take two long sucks from the straw, nearly drinking all of the water in just two drags. The drink gets sat down on a near by table. I just realized it was Celestia who gave me the water."Better?" She asks, giving me a very calming smile. I nod slightly."Yes, thank you." I cough a bit, my throat less dry now but still feels like I'm swallowing wood chips."Where am I exactly?"

"You are in the Canterlot Royal Infirmary." The Doctor says walking past Celestia and the others."You were brought her after some terrible accident. You were covered in burn marks and suffered internal bleeding. However that was just the start of your problems." He looks up at Celestia. She clears her throat and takes a few steps forward.

"You are a human correct?"

"I am, yes. Also why can't I move at all? I can't feel anything below my neck." I hate having to asking more questions. Celestia nods."You were put into a medically induced paralysis. To keep you from moving and feeling what happened. Do not fret however, as its only temporary." Well that's at least nice of them."However there is no easy way to say this but you went under a major metamorphoses. Tell us, what is your name young one?" What? Wait what?

"Kyra...just call me Kyra. But what do you mean, metamorphoses? What happened to me? Why am I here?" My voice raises a bit and my throat immediately hurts. They all look at each other before looking back at me. Twilight floats a mirror up to me and what stares back at me is not human at all. What stares back at me is a unicorn pony, a stallion thankfully, with a dark blue coat and black mane. I'm covered in bandages, even on my horn. At least my I kept my hair color and eyes. My eyes are bright green abet bloodshot. I let out a sigh and the mirror floats away."I'm sure this is very troubling for you." Celestia says with some sympathy.

"You can say that..." I groan."How did this happen exactly?"

"Well we could could ask you the same thing. How did you arrive here?" Twilight gives me skeptical look."Trans-dimensional magic is very hard to come by let alone control."

"Some kind of pillar with a small orb on top." I watch Twilight write down stuff on a clipboard."Okay and how big was this orb?"

"About the size of a softball. The pillar was about a foot tall. The orb was a light blue while the pillar was a cloud white. In the bottom was an electrical cord. When I plugged it in to a power outlet the orb levitated about 6 inches above the pillar. When I pushed down on it it levitated to my ceiling and started shooting out lightning. Last thing I remember was being struck by a lightning bolt. That's all I can remember..." I suck in a slightly jagged breath."Wait how do you know what a human is?"

"It's...a bit more complicated." Luna speaks up."But we'll explain later. Are you feeling alright?" I'm at least glad Luna is concerned about my well being."But we would like to know how you know about us?" Great already rolling out that question. Oh the awkwardness this will bring, but I'm going to pull out the same to my last question.

"I'm in pain. But for your second question, I'll explain later, when I can talk and feel more." Celestia goes to say something but there's a sound of a camera going off and everyone, including myself, look over to see Pinkie Pie holding a smartphone in her hoof. She giggles and rush over to my bedside."Oohooh! Next lets get a selfie with you!" I'm honestly speechless and everyone is kinda taken back by her acting like this."Pinkie-" Twilight steps up but Applejack stops her.

"Ah got this Twi. Pinkie come here." She bites Pinkie's tail and drags her back."Dammit girl what's wrong with ya? Can't ya see this young feller is tired, hurt, and scared of the situation he's been drug into." Well that was sudden. Pinkie looks sad and devastated."I...I...I'm sorry." Her bottom lip quivers. I should stop this before it gets out of hand. but one of the guards steps up. A mare with a yellow mane and a pure white coat white enough to put Rarity's coat to shame.

"And if I may say something," She pauses and looks right at me."Your house nearly crushed me!" Fuck me. Celestia glares at the guard."Angelic Shield this is not the time."

"Why not? His stuff nearly killed me and my partner. He should be charged with endangerment and riuning half the Royal Gardens!" She points an accusing hoof at me. This turns into an argument. Twilight and the others are dealing with Applejack yelling at Pinkie Pie while both Princesses are arguing with the mare guard. I blink slowly as I can feel the very fine underlining anger consuming my thoughts. My already pounding head is going to burst, fuck it, I'm already on the gurney.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Okay throat immediately burns again, not smart but it got everyone's attention. I'm breathing heavily through my nose."Listen, I'm in a lot of pain right now, I'm confused, and I have a migraine. I want answers but not now. All I want is some sleep...and the feeling back in my legs. I'm sorry for yelling but I'm not dealing with no bullshit right now." I let out sigh. Everyone is quiet and I'm surprised the guard didn't just jump over and onto my bed to kill me or something. Twilight breaks the silence."He's right everypony. We shouldn't argue right now. He's tired and confused. We shouldn't pester him right now."

"Thank You." I nod slowly at her and she smiles back. Luna puts a hoof on my chest, though I can barely feel it."Get some sleep Kyra. We shall disscuss everything tomorrow." My bed is lowered back down so I'm facing the ceiling again. The doctor puts the oxygen mask back on me. I don't know what they gave me but my eyes start to feel heavy and I drift back into darkness once again.

-The Next Day-

My eyes open again and I'm greeted with the same bright florescent lights. But hey, I can feel again! But everything is stiff as a board so I still can't move much. I can't hear anyone is in here with me so I'm alone. Fuck me I can't believe this is happening to me, me of all people! Now I'm a fucking pony strapped to a hospital bed and I still hurt. I let out an audible groan and try to move my arms. They move up slightly and can't help but smile that at least I can now move and feel. I move my head around more and I can see more of the hospital room. It's basic with the most you'd find in more expensive hospitals. Heart monitors, Iv stand and tubes, you get the point. I noticed that I'm covered with a blanket, eh probably to keep me warm.

But hey I can see my now nonexistent hand turned hoof! It looks slightly like the cartoon but 3D and actually real. Ugh I'm gonna have a fun time trying to walk again. I go to sit up but my back pops loudly and pain shoots up my back."Agh fuck!" I shout out loud. I fall onto my back, which was smart, and pain shoots up more again. Welp, this is my life now, I'll be in constaint pain for the rest of my life, and probably not be able to walk again, yay. I jump as there's a knock at the door."Are you decent?" Is that?

"I'm awake, that's all. Come in though." The door opens and the doctor from yesterday and Princess Celestia. Great, private time so she can arrest me or something."Good morning dear Kyra. How are you feeling today?"

"I hurt. I can feel myself again but pain is everywhere." I groan and try to sit up again but this time both the doctor and Celestia actually help me sit up. My back pops and I let out a yelp. I've hurt myself before but no one is completely used to pain."Thanks." I groan. My back feels off, hmm must have wires attached to my back then.

"I apologize for such an early morning raising but we did not finish our discussion last night." While she starts to talk the doctor starts to unhook the IVs on my right arm and the monitor pads off my fuzzy blue chest."But first I must explain something to you-"

"I'm under arrest, I saw this coming. Not my first rodeo with the law, though this is the first time I'm being arrested in the hospital." Celestia chuckles.

"No you're not under arrest. Why would you think that? But I need explain the kind of magic you were exposed to. After we left last night I had Twilight Sparkle search through our archives and we ended up finding something related to what you described last night. It's old and ancient magic, even predating my sister and sister. We're still trying to figure out how that magic works. But I do know this, you're not a unicorn Kyra."

What?

"You're an Alicorn."

Awww fuck me.

(Hope you guys enjoyed it so far. Its still rough in some aspects and I hope you guys understand that. There will be timeskips and this story is more just out there and batshit crazy. And before you complain about the main character being an Alicorn I have to stress, he isn't powerful or godlike in any way. Consider it a magical fuck up. But I'll writing when I can and most likely pumping out chapters as fast as I can. I'll see you guys in the next chapter and I hope you guys enjoyed it so far-AJ)


	2. Chapter 2

(Back again and I hope this chapter makes you feel slightly uncomfortable after you're done reading it. Hey we're all freaky in our own ways so lets get this over with)

The Fakeicorn

Chapter 2

Questions and more Questions

"You've got to be kidding me." I groan and as of right now I'm pouting like a child, something a twenty-eight year old shouldn't be doing but I honestly lost all fucks to give. I know the difference between a regular pony and an Alicorn and dammit why me? I'm nothing special at all. All I do is repair medical equipment, play video games, and masturbate. Nothing special."I understand this must be even more confusing and stressful for you Kyra." Celestia is trying to not be too sympathetic but still wanting to help.

"You have no idea..." I grumble and then the doctor steps in between us."Alright I'm going to transfer you to a wheelchair till your able to walk. Now I'm to move you, feel free to us me for support if you need to." With that the doctor starts to slide me off the bed and my back hooves touch the tile floor for the first time...and my legs immediately buckle like Lincoln logs."I've got you, I've got you." The Doctor repeats over and over. He's a pretty buff Earth Pony and able to hold my ragdoll ass up. Princess Celestia helps out by bringing over a wheelchair closer to us. I'm sat down in the wheelchair and it's just like the ones used back home."Any reason why I'm being put into a wheelchair instead of being in bed resting?"

"Well you are healthy enough to be put on bed-rest in a private room instead of being wired to a hospital bed." the Doctor said while he skims through a clipboard."Nurse Poppy Seed, can you come in here?" The door opens and a unicorn mare dressed as a nurse walks in. Her coat is a sunny orange and her mane is a seedy yellow, is seedy a word?"Yes what is it?" Her voice has an accent, I can't tell if its country or like British or something. I dunno I was born in the city, so accents are kinda eh to me.

"You're being assigned to Kyra as his aid for now till he's fully recovered." Straight to the point."Are you okay with this?" She nods vigorously, obviously excited."Oh of course, of course! I can take from here if want." The doctor nods and she trots right behind me and looks up at Celestia."Where are we taking him?"

"Follow me please Miss Seed. I figure he's quite hungry." She smiles down at me. Celestia walks out the door and Poppy Seed pushes me out behind her. Don't stare directly into the ass, don't stare. The hallway is decorated very regally and divine."I was hoping to discuss your world with you during breakfast." Celestia states rather casually."And Luna informed me that you have some knowledge about our world as well?"

"That is true. But I'll explain everything if you do about my world."

"But of course. Now I also need to apologize about last night and the incident involving Angelic Shield, that was uncalled for." I nod and clear my throat a bit, realizing it was dry."It's fine Princess Celestia. Though what caught my ear last night was that she said 'My Stuff'. What else came through with me? And how long was I unconscious?" Before she can answer we enter a very large dining hall. Lavish is an understatement here and its WAY too lavish for my tastes. Hell my very first apartment and current house was cockroach infested and I lived just fine. I'm wheeled to an empty space and Poppy Seed sits down right next to me. She hasn't spoke since I met her, quiet type maybe? Princess Celestia takes a seat at the head of the table."So what would you like for breakfast?"

"Uhh just some bacon eggs and some toast please, oh and a glass of orange juice if its alright." I can be polite when I want too. But I just realized that there is no bacon here, herbivores and all."Oh...just remembered that bacon is kinda outlawed here." That causes Celestia to giggle, why?

"Don't worry. We do keep a small supply of meat for the Griffons when they visit." I also just realized that there were two waiter like ponies as well as three guards. Man my mind is screwed. The waiters write down our orders and disappears. Now its completely quiet in here and while I do prefer silence when I'm working, I still like to talk some."Six days." Huh?

"Huh? Sorry wasn't paying attention." I rub my head with a hoof, its an odd feeling defiantly."It's quite alright. You asked about how long you were in a coma and it was six and a half days. Your mind started to awaken yesterday so I had my sister Luna investigate your mind and subconscious. Now could I ask you a few questions then?"

"Sure why not," I look down at the wheelchair,"Not like I'm going anywhere." Poppy Seed giggles at that.

"I must ask about how you know about Equestria before anything else. It's..slightly concerning to say the least." Okay lie just a bit, you've been around the internet and have seen some of the brony fandom's more creepy side."It's a bit awkward to say this but in my world, you guys are nothing but a cartoon. It's hard to explain to be honest but I've watched the show before and I enjoyed it. I just remember some things from the show. I understand if its creepy." Not lying about that honestly, I'd find it creepy too if I was a TV show too. Celestia scratches her chin a bit.

"I'll admit its very odd but not unheard of in the sense of dealing with multiple realities." Oh great the whole multiverse thing."But I must ask...erm how accurate is it?"

"Well there's been 7 season so far and lots of things have transpired. Nightmare Moon returning, Discord being thawed out and reformed, Changelings attacking, Twilight becoming an Alicorn, just to name a few major events. And after seeing Twilight yesterday, and her being an Alicorn, its accurate with that at least." That seemed to have shocked Celestia a bit, and Poppy too. Celestia regains her composure."Well...I'm amazed to say the least. Its eerie to hear that these same things have happened." I nod and my glass of orange juice is brought out. Poppy floats my drink over to me and it has a straw in it, the little kid in me is excited, if only I had the straw wrapper with it so I can shoot someone with it"Can you keep what I said a secret? It would cause less stress if you could." Celestia nods."Of course I can. Your secret is safe with Luna and I" I thank her before my own questions come to mind.

"So now I have to ask, why do you human technology? I saw Pinkie Pie with a smartphone yesterday, which started an argument with her and Applejack."

"Ah yes. I'll be blunt, you aren't the first human to show up on our doorstep. Though you are the first one to crash land in Canterlot. It's very hard to explain but magic has complicated and strange, even to us. But pieces of your world's technology has passed through, as well as some of your people. So we started using it and...oh what's the word?" She stops for a moment thinking."We reversed engineered it to fit our needs. That started over 50 years ago. Now we're almost as advanced as humans in the terms of technology and entertainment, though with some restrictions. But enough about that. Tell me about yourself Kyra." Well that was odd as shit and we have come to that portion of my introduction.

"Well to put it simply, I'm not a special person, like I have no power so I have no reason why I was turned into an Alicorn at all. But before all of that, I repaired medical equipment for a living. Went to college for that, still in mounds of debt. I'm honestly pretty boring for the most part. I like to drink and lay video games to tell you the truth.I hang out with my friends, get into trouble, and have fun when I can." I shrug. Our meals arrive and yes I have bacon! Now I just hope and pray that my stomach does not betray me and cause me to get sick from it. Celestia ordered pancakes which do look good. We start eating, well Poppy kinda feeds me as my hooves are useless as of right now. I feel useless.

"So I have to ask, what came through with me? I don't think my entire house came with." I ask after swallowing a bite of toast. Celestia finishes swallowing her own bite of food."Yes several of your items were recovered and I was going to show you what we found in your assigned room."

"Room, huh? So I take it I'll be staying here then?" She nods

"Yes of course. You are going to need to regain your ability to walk and you'll need to learn how to be a pony. I hope that's alright."

"I guess. But what about a way home?" Celestia lets out a sigh."Unfortunately we can't find the device you described. And without that we can't find a way home for you, I'm sorry." Yep saw that coming from a mile away. We continue to eat in silence and I'm going to have to face that eventually. Something else comes to mind and is immediately slatted when the doors open and everyone else from yesterday, this is gonna be fun."Ah Good Morning everypony." Celestia greets."I hope everypony slept well." Everyone greets her with warm thank yous and saying that they slept good and everything. But then everyone sees me."Oh good morning Kyra! I'm surprised you're up and out of the hospital!" Twilight immediately greets me with such vigor, ugh people and mornings."Morning." I wave and take a sip of my juice. Everyone takes a seat and order some breakfast. Then the eyes fall on me, fuck. I dunno if Celestia told them about my...new form or not.

"Well this is unexpected! You're an alicorn!" Rarity gushes, I don't like this.

"I like the new look! Pretty soon he'll be a pretty pretty Princess like you Twilight!" Pinkie Pie you need to stop before you get started."I highly doubt that." I grumble. applejack glares at me."Well seems like ya in a 'good' mood." She puts emphasis on 'good', sarcasm, I can work with that.

"Well if you haven't noticed, I'm kinda in a wheelchair." I roll my eyes.

"So we never got to properly introduce ourselves yesterday," Twilight clears her throat."Well I'm Twilight Sparkle and to my left is Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack. To my right after Princess Celestia is Rarity, Fluttershy, and Starlight Glimmer." I nod my head, I would have bowed if I was standing up."Pleasure to meet you all. I'm Kyra, and my head hurts." I state matter-o-factually. Rarity looks at me kinda funny."Kyra? Such an odd name." I chuckle and roll my eyes. I hate full name, fuck my dad honestly. I chuckle."Well its not my actual name honestly."

"Well why's that?" Applejack asks raising an eyebrow."My full name is stupid and I blame my dad for it. He was probably strung out something at the time."

"I wanna hear what it is.' Rainbow Dash smirks at me. She's gonna be a handfull soon. I let a sigh, gonna get laughed at for this."My full name is Zamma Ray Kyra. The worst part is that both Zamma and Kyra are mainly girl names." Silence then Rainbow Dash starts laughing, like really loudly."AHAHAHAHAH you...you kidding me, HAHAHAHAH!" She slams her hoof on the table. I simply cross my arms, er forelegs, arms, whatever."You done?" She starts to stop laughing."Yeah I am but seriously that was funny." I groan.

Their breakfast comes pretty soon afterwards and they start eating. I've already finished and I kind of wish I had my phone with me. Fuck Rainbow Dash though, she's sexy and all but man she's a dick. Wait...did I just call her sexy? Fuck me brain leave me alone."So tell me Kyra, how old are you?" Twilight asks out of the blue.

"Twenty-Eight." Everyone including Starlight looks at me."You're Twenty-Eight? You don't look Twenty-Eight." Starlight, don't start with that shit. I simply shrug and watch them continue to watch them eat. Pretty soon everyone finishes eating and Princess Celestia stands up and addresses us all."Now that everypony is awake and feed now, if he would allow me to, I'd like to formally welcome Kyra to Equestria." Pinkie immediately jumps up and onto the table."OoH OoH! I can throw him a super awesome 'Welcome to Equestria AND a Welcome to Ponyville' party!" Well my eardrums ring a bit now. I chuckle a bit."If that party is anything like my college welcoming party, you'd might as well leave me in this wheelchair for two weeks then."

"I like you already." Dash nudges me with her elbow.

-A Little While Later-

After about 10 minutes of everyone saying their welcomes and everything, Celestia and everyone finally take me to my room that I've been assigned too. The hallway leading up to it is long and winds to the right slightly, if you're facing that way. Doors line up on the right side also."And here we are. I hope it's not to clustered for you." Celestia looks back at me and I shrug."I grew up in a not so great city so anything that ain't got roaches crawling around is great." Everyone kinda look at me funny."What it's true!?"

"You lived in a house with cockroaches in it!?" Rarity gasps and I nod. Struggle was real for a long time, and it still is honestly, till now. The door opens and holy shit this is WAY more than I expected. The room is huge, easily bigger than both my living room and kitchen combined. There's a huge bed, bathroom, fucking large flat screen TV. and all my fucking important shit is in here! Xbox One, PS4, my laptop, ecetra ecreta."Holy Shit..." I'm wheeled in, thanks to Poppy and I'm just in aww."Too little?" Celestia asks with the very most hint of smartassness in her voice.

"Too little? This is bigger than my living room and my kitchen combined!" I exclaim and then immediately go poker face when I see what's laying on the bed in a nice pile is my...well more embarrassing stuff. I had no shame then but some are shaped like pony dicks and shit like that, maybe some shame here. Even Celestia seems stunned by this, probably more so because of what I told her earlier. Everyone is looking at me, fuck."I'll give you all twenty bucks each, if you forget everything." Rainbow Dash losses it.

"Oh my gosh it keeps getting better!" She grabs her sides and rolls around laughing. Honestly that was the same reaction most of my friends had when I told and showed them, mainly Randy and Jammie, those idiots. Oh fuck me Pinkie is looking at them."You and I are going to need another talk later." Celestia looks at me and I can't tell if she's joking or not. I facehoof.

"Out of all the things that could have survived...these had to be it. Ugh look I'll hide them or whatever but can we please just move on?"

"Really putting those mare names to good use huh, Kyra?" Dash jabs me with her elbow and I give her a death glare."You wanna be in this wheelchair?" I may not sound too threatening but I'll still fight you."Um anyway here is your new phone." Twilight says, trying to change the subject. She floats over a smartphone that resembles a Galaxy S5.

"Um what happened to my phone?"

"The screen was cracked and couldn't be replaced. Oh but don't worry! We were able to save everything from your old phone! So its good as new!" Well that was nice of them to do. But our moment of normality is stopped when I see Pinkie and Rarity looking over my..stuff, ugh. Rarity is looking at two of the dragon dildos while Pinkie is holding one pony sized dildos up on her head, balls on the forehead, these aren't my glasses, and pretending to be a unicorn. EVEN FLUTTERSHY IS LOOKING AT THEM! Fluttershy picks up one of the bottles of lube, fuck whoever actually gathered everything and brought them here, and mutters "Oh my". I close my eyes and find every ounce of willpower to jump out of the wheelchair and bash my own head into the ground till I'm not moving anymore.

After about 10 minutes of utter awkwardness I'm finally left alone with Poppy Seed, my personal nurse. I'm able to wheel myself around in the..well I guess MY room while Poppy Seed prepared..something for me, so I decided to put away my... things in an empty drawer. Ugh why me, why did that shit survive, and why bring that shit in here!? I let out a sigh and look back at my silent nurse, who hasn't said a word since this morning."I take it you're not much of a talker huh?" Just trying some conversation. Poppy looks up and speaks for the first time."Well I'm not paid to talk honestly. I take my job very formally. But now that we are alone, I have to say this. You are fucked up." I chuckle at that.

"You're not wrong about that! I'm just surprised that...what happened 10 minutes ago, even happened. Why was that, just sitting there!? More importantly why were they even brought in here in the first place!?" Poppy busts out laughing, and her laugh is low key cute.

"Okay I have to ask, are they yours?" Not shame now.

"Not gonna lie, they are. I'm a freaky shit okay? I had little to no shame back home but here, I might have some shame because of what Celestia knows about my world. So I'm probably gonna get deported real quick." I rub the back of my head. Poppy giggles."I'm not here to judge. I'm just surprised is all. But in all honesty, you do seem like a freaky buck, both sexually and in general." She walks over to the wheelchair, this better not be leading to sex, not now at least."Okay I'm going to get you up and out of your wheelchair. Gonna start you walking." She takes my hoof in hers and then starts getting me out of the chair. My hooves hit the tile floor and I immediately almost fall but for a unicorn, Poppy is pretty strong.

She holds me up straight and we start to slowly trot around the room. Walking on four legs is strangely odd yet it slightly feels right. But me slipping is pretty funny to both me and Poppy. I'm like a fucking slip'n'slide!"You're doing good! We'll try again in a few hours. I'll start a bath for you, you're fur still has some of the heart monitor glue on it." She helps me onto the bed and then disappears into the bathroom. A private nurse giving me a bath...fuck off thoughts. I hear the water start running and I let out a sigh. God is giving me the biggest L ever, even bigger than my fucked up name!

"Your bath is ready Mr. Kyra. I'll help you to the bathroom." Poppy walks back over to the bed and walks me to the bathroom. Its very lavish, which is to be expected now since I'm living with royalty. The bathtub is really big, big enough for at least Luna to use comfortably. I slowly climb into the tub and damn is it warm! I let out a small moan because its been forever since I've had a nice bath. Poppy giggles."Already relaxing then?"

"Hey its been a long time since I've had a nice bath. So I have to ask, where are you from? Your accent is..different." I at least can scrub some parts of myself while Poppy mainly gets my back and wings. My wings are still stiff and I'm assuming will become more sensitive as time comes."Well I'm from Trottingham originally," So she is British!"But I moved to Manehatten with my parents when I was seven." She hits a sensitive spot on my wings causing me to fling a bit."Oops. She what about you then? Even if I don't know the place still I'd like to know."

"Well I'm from Chicago originally. I actually stayed there till I went to a community college near Minnesota. 3 years later I have a degree. Then I get a call saying my grandma past away and left me her shitty run down house in Celi, Minnesota. Real piece of shit city, the literal definition of ghetto. Real run down but a free house nowadays so I moved there. Actually found some odd jobs till I started working at the local hospital. Now I'm here getting bathed by a British pony." That earns a light pap on my head from her.

"Cute, very cute."

"Well I have to try sometimes. So I'm assuming that my new body will come with some perks and drawbacks then? At least I'm asking a nurse." I shrug. I'm handed, well technically hoofed but whatever, of shampoo. I put some on the squeegee thing I was given to bath with and start washing my mane."Well I don't know anything about humans nor your own personal health at all so I can't make a personal judgment. But I can say that most stallions are about as sexually active as you seem. So enjoy that. But it would take a very through medical exam to really determine how healthy you are." I become slightly curious about what everything looks like down there, the curiosity of humanity is still alive in this one!

With a quick glance down south I can see a sheath and my balls, which are black, eh. My balls are defiantly bigger than before. I hear a giggle and realize that Poppy is still in the room."Curious are we?"

"Oops sorry. No offense but you get so quiet I kinda forgot." I get water splashed on me. I think bath time is almost done.

"Don't worry about it. So now I have to ask this. What are you gonna do now that you're here in Equestria, semi permanent?" I start to climb myself out of the tub and raise a hoof up in the air."I'm gonna get drunk and find a job!"

And I immediately slip out of the tub and fall on my face while Poppy Seed giggles like crazy.

Oh this is gonna be fun for me...

(Eyy I actually got through this. Sorry if those is too cringy and shit but I'm actually trying to make him seem awkward yet smart and resourceful. Now I will admit that there will more sexually suggestive stuff later and some smut, I know ya'll still pissed about the never released smut for Of Wubs and Rainbows but I promise that if this does well enough to become an actual story, I'll write some. It won't be good but it'll be something. Also the city of Celi(Pronounced Kelly) isn't real so just keep that in mind. So if you guys like this story, please support it and leave comments and tips to help me out. So till next time peace-AJ)


	3. Chapter 3

(Chapter 3 coming at you. Forgot to mention in the first chapter that I DO NO OWN Mlp in any way, just my OCs. Also I like to reuse assets from other stories so you'll see familiar names here and there. Also I am not a doctor or any sort odd medical practitioner so this first part may be odd but this is Equestria so things don't have to be the same as Earth. But either way, here's chapter 3)

The Fakeicorn

Chapter 3

Strange Exams and Meeting Guards

-One Week Later-

Seems like the less I think about everything, the faster the world spins, so I've stopped all conscious thought in the hopes that everything was some acid trip with my friends and i'll wake up on the floor and in my own vomit one morning. Yet it seems like everything is in fact real and I'm not dreaming, hell Princess Luna even reassures me I'm awake.

Its been a long week. Bed-rest is never as fun as it sounds. Therapy three times a day, prescription painkillers, and not being able to move around mostly by myself. I am finally able to walk on my own but I can't run at all, I'll fall on my face rather quickly. Trotting is alright but I'll get tired if I'm up and walking around too much. Thankfully I don't need the wheelchair nor a cane, honestly a cane on a pony is rather odd. Poppy seed has been such a big help and I'll need to find some way to repay her for putting up with me. I may seems like a dick at times but I do pay my debts and repay those who I owe, its a part of my moral system. But dammit everyone else is slightly annoying. Especially Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Ever since my first official day here they like to poke fun at me, mostly Rainbow Dash but Twilight will poke a little fun. She's the cute nerd so I won't get onto her for it but Dash, that's a whole another story.

She even tried to push me down the stairs in my wheelchair after I told her about the times I'd ride down a hill in a shopping cart. So fuck you Rainbow Dash for that. I'm surprised that Princess Celestia hasn't given me that 'Talk' that she wanted before. Maybe she was just surprised at first then let it slide. Never did actually spend much time with the rest of the Mane Six though. Actually they left Canterlot a few days after I met them, but Twilight and Rainbow Dash stayed behind to help me learn to walk, which apparently requires me to shoved down the stairs while in a seated position, I'll get her back for that...Kyra ALWAYS gets even. But its been a slow uneventful week. I'm still getting random headaches though, talked to the Doctor but he couldn't give me much more advice than take some painkillers when it gets really bad, I'm just afraid I'll get dependent on them if keep taking more and more when they come around.

Also I found out that hoofs work mysteriously like hands when it comes to using things like TV remotes, controllers, phones, you get the point. I have no clue how or why but I'm not going to question it as long as I'm able to keep playing my video games I'll keep quiet about it. But I have no magic yet, it hasn't manifested yet, and from what both Twilight and Celestia have said, it should start to show. My wings have become more flexible and sensitive, leading to some more awkward moments between Poppy and I.

There's a knock on my door and Poppy goes to answer it and I advert my eyes from my phone to the door. I've found out that some parts of Equestrian internet is just as fucked up as Earth Internet. Violence is down slightly but sex and very very provocativeness is up very much. Sex is surprisingly very casual, probably because most of everyone is naked, mainly stallions to be honest."Krya, are you ready for your appointment?" Fuck another one?

"Ugh, fine, hold on." I set my phone down and slide off the bed, careful not to fall on my face. Okay when no girls are around I've gotta talk to the doctor about something. I follow Poppy out of the room and my mind immediately wanders away again. But what's actually got me wondering is why I've seen mares wearing like panties or something. Like they're the same color as their fur but still mares are wearing cloths while stallions, I guess that makes me one too now, we all free ball. The halls become familiar as I'm lead back to the hospital area of the castle. Soon we enter the doctor's office."Appointment for Kyra." Poppy goes up to the receptionist. One sign in later and I'm right back where I started, again.

"Aren't we waiting for the nurse to take my blood pressure or something?"

"No we're skipping that today since we got that yesterday. Today we're testing your range of motion and a general physical. The Doctor should be in soon. And if you want I can step out when the rest of the physical starts." I just give her the biggest turn stare from my spot on the hospital bed."Its gonna be one of THOSE physicals?" Poppy just shrugs.

"Sorry doctor's orders. Just be glad you're not getting a prostate exam, well scratch that, you probably would be glad about that." Don't punch the nurse, don't punch the nurse. She just gives me a smirk and looks away. I just shake my head, you don't help Poppy, you don't help. Within five minutes there's a knock at the door and the very same Doctor that's been treating me since I've got here."Well it seems like we're becoming fast friends, Kyra." He's got a clipboard and a cup of coffee with him. He gives me a smirk and I glare at him.

"You wanna be in the same boat as her?" I point a hoof at Poppy."She's getting on my nerves already, so not test me today."

"Your head hurt today? Or are you just moody? But either way I'm glad to see you moving around without the help of a wheelchair. Now I assume that Poppy Seed has told you what you're in for today?"

"Yeah for the most part. Lets just get this over with." I groan. Doc nods, I still don't know his name so Doc would suit him just fine, and he walks over to the bed I'm sitting on and starts the exam."Okay arms up and out." I put my arms out and Doc takes measurements and writes down stuff on his clipboard."Alright I'm gonna need you too try to grab your hooves behind your back." Ah this test again. Its a basic way to test your flexibility. Some people can do it and some can't, and I can do it, well human me at least. I put my hooves to my back and stretch them till I can grab my hooves.

"Wow I'm impressed you can do that. Most ponies can't do that due to how our shoulders are placed. But I'm impressed." He writes down more stuff then makes me get on all fours and do some more stretches and shit like that. I don't mind most of that honestly, helps me get more used to moving around. However then he starts looking at my wings and horn next. One particulate spot he rubbed on my wings immediately felt like I was vigorously rubbing my...well you know.

"Ah so your wings are as sensitive any pegasus." He chuckles and I give him a look."But now that I'm finished with the physical for your flexibility and mobility. Now I'm going to need Poppy to step out now." He looks over at Poppy Seed, who just smiles at me, nods, and walks out of the room. Now I'm felt alone with Doc and I let out a sigh."So now here comes the fun part. I'm assuming you've had the sex talk before?"

"Yep. Look I'm Twenty-Eight, I think I don't need another sex talk." I cross my arms. Doc lets out a chuckle."I was told that you have quite an active sex life. Now before you jump at me I have to just make sure that you're healthy in all aspects. You'd be surprised on how many sex related cases come in. Now can you expose your genitals for me, please?"

-Mild sexual touching and erection ahead-

"Fine." I groan and spread my legs open for Doc to see me. I don't have an issues with people touching my junk but I like to have it done on my own time. Doctors aren't very gentle either, sometimes. I feel his hooves start slightly caresses my balls, feeling them up and down. Don't get aroused by this, don't get aroused by this."Very healthy looking. I feel no lumps which is very good. I'm surprised your body adjusted so well to your new body." He continues to feel everything from my testicles to my taint."Hey Doc could I ask you a question?" Try to make conversation to keep my mind off this.

"Yes? Did I hurt you or something?" He looks up at me, please don't make eye contact with me.

"I've noticed that mares seems to be wearing cloths to cover their gentitals. Why is that?"

"Eh its more of a mare thing to be honest. A popular guess is that's hard for mares to clean themselves back there so they cover themselves up with panties. Stallions like us don't really care so we mostly just let everything hang. Some stallions do wear panties though. Are you wanting to get some?" Well fuck, panties. Now I personally don't have a problem but I don't know how other guys here would say about it."Ehh possibly. Not sure yet."

"Well alright then." Wait...is he taking measurements?

"Are you measuring my junk?"

"Don't worry, its part of the exam." Yeah sure Jane, sure. Fuck I swear if he tries something I'm going to pop him in the throat."Now I hate to say this but I'm going to measure you...while erect." Fuck no.

"Why?"

"It's part of the exam, Kyra. I've done this to hundreds of stallions out there. Most of the guards get exams from me. Now lie on your back please." I sigh and lie back onto the bed. My wings are surprisingly comfortable despite being completely on my back. Doc walks over to a cabinet and takes out a jar and walks over to me. God this better not turn out like hows my cystoscopy went, God I still have low key nightmares from that. He walks over and stops right next to me."Alright I'm going to need you to smell this." He unscrews the jar.

"Is this the part where you drug and rape me?"

"No no no, this is basically mare extract. During estrus this is what mares will smell like. Its the safest and easiest way to take measurements so just take a few whiffs of it." He puts the jar next to my face and allows me to get my muzzle in the jar. It smells sweet...very sweet. My brain immediately goes fuzzy and I feel really really...dare I say it...horny now."Ugh shit that's strong..." Doc takes the jar away from me and dammit that really screwed me over know i was half expecting your body to reject any kind of pheromones after what I read about humans in the Archives."

"And why is that?" I watch him walk back over to..oh wow so that's my new knob huh? Like just majestic black beauty. Looks...surprisingly thick honestly."Well because humans don't expel pheromones of any kind during mating so its interesting for any doctor to be given access to a human turned pony, let alone an Alicorn. And from what I can already tell, you've defiantly got some gear to use." He gives a light chuckle and starts measuring my dick."So what's the verdict? Am I healthy or whatever?"

"Well yes. Even is you still experience headaches and body-aches your physical health is surprisingly good. Your new equipment is definable healthy and ready to..ahem serve. Another reason why I'm taking measurements if you must know is because you are the first male Alicorn in hundreds of years. So Celestia wanted some reference to every part of a male Alicorn's anatomy. And I know you are going to ask about size so you're 14 and 3/4s inches long with about 2 and a half inches of thickness." Jesus, that'll destroy someone I think.

-Sexual Stuff Over-

After about five minutes of more medical talk while my stiffy goes away Doc gives me a clean bill of health and I'm free to go. I'm walked back out to the waiting room where Poppy is sitting. She's reading a magazine and I tap her on the shoulder."Hey I'm all done, lets go get some lunch." She smiles and we head back out into the white marbled halls of Canterlot Castle. We greet a few passing guards, who give us a salute in return."I hope it wasn't too...uncomfortable for you Kyra." Poppy says as we turn a corner.

"Eh it was alright. First time I've been measured by a doctor though." I nearly lose my footing for a moment but I caught myself, my brain is still restarting."Well you must understand that you're not in your old world now. Some cultural norms may be accepted differently or completely rewritten. It's all matters on how you perceive these new and changed laws." Poppy says.

"Never thought you for a phylosipher at all."

"No but we do have different countries and when they visit, things can be taken differently. For example violence here is taken much more sternly than say, the Dragon Kingdom or Griffionstone. You'd probably get off easier if you got into a fight in public there than here." Seems legit honestly. Most of the fight videos I've seen on PonyTube(Yes I went there), were mostly in houses rather than out in public. We reach the dining hall and are let through by the door guards. We walk in and I'm surprised to see Princess Celestias, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash all having lunch. Now my question is this, doesn't Princess Celestia have like important Royal duties to attend to?"Ah good afternoon Kyra, we were just enjoying some lunch. Would you care to take a seat and join us?" Dammit Celstia and her fucking motherly voice.

"Sure I guess, What's on the menu?" I take a seat regretably next to Rainbow Dash. She gives me the all knowing grin that I would like to avoid another conversation about that...

"Whatever you'd like dear." Celestia calls over one of the waiters and I just order a simple sandwich with a glass of juice to go with it. I'll try something that has flowers in it today. Poppy orders the same."I'm glad you're trying something new Kyra. I doubt meat is doing your stomach any good now." Twilight smiles at me, and her smiles is kinda nice. Usually my friends and I just yell at each other instead of smiling." I figure I should start trying new things. Hate to be a broken record, but I won't give up bacon anytime soon."

"Understandable. And I take it your doctor's appointment went well?"

"Yeah I guess so. I just hope there are no more appointments for a while. Also I need to ask Celestia something." When I say that she looks over at me."Yes?"

"I was hoping to talk to you about possibly getting a job. Obviously I have no money nor do I think any money i still have has no value here." Its true, I'm still in my prime and want to make my own money. Celestia rubs her chin a bit."I'll think about it. We'll discuss this more after lunch." I nod at her while she gives me a warm smile.

Lunch comes soon afterwards and I'll say that flowers actually don't taste that bad! Everyone is pretty quiet so I'm slightly concerned that something is going on. But lunch tasted good so I'm glad that I didn't puke because I'm eating flowers. Hell I think they were daises so I'll gonna order that again. After everyone is finished Celestia excuses herself from the table and walks away."Is she mad or something?" I am too curious for my own good sometimes.

"Recent royal duties have taken up much of Celestia's time." Twilight says while she wipes her mouth off with her napkin.

"Then there's you!" Rainbow Dash giggles. I give her a glare."Hey not my fault you played with magic and fell from the sky." She leans back in her chair like she's hot shit or something. Would I get arrested if I stabbed Rainbow Dash with a fork? Ehh probably. Before I can say something the doors open and Celestia returns with...oh great its the mare from before that yelled at me about my house, and a scroll in her magic. The mare guard who I already have beef with, who is also a pegasus now that I noticed, lets out a groan. Celestia takes her seat again and presents the scroll to me.

"On behalf of myself as well as my sister Luna, we would like to formally recognize Zamma Ray Kyra," You bitch,"As a full citizen of Equestria! If you would please sign this document you will become a full citizen ." A quill is float over to me and I'm fucking surprised, but fuck you still for using my full name, but I sign it either way. Yes I still have to sign my full name sadly. Celestia takes the scroll away and I have to speak my mind."Really? Only a week? Shit it takes fucking six months to get a damn Visa in the U.S." I think everyone but Celestia and Rainbow Dash are shocked that I spoke SO casually. Seems like Celestia either didn't hear me or did but doesn't care.

"Now Poppy Seed you are relived of your duties of taking care of young Kyra here." She gestures a hoof over to poppy Seed who is quiet again and nods."And now I will be assigning you two guards to watch over you for the time being. Lunar Star, who you will meet tonight, will be filling in the night watch while Angelic Shield will be your day guard." Celestia waves a hoof over to Angelic Shield and Shield rolls her eyes at me. She's decked out in the standard golden Royal Guard armor but with no helmet and no lance. Great, just fucking great."Now I must excuse myself once again. Kyra it was nice having lunch with you. I hope we can have dinner together sometime." What? She walks away and now I'm left with Angle the guard who may or may not try to smother me in my sleep.

"Well I guess I should go back to my room then." I get up and both Angle and Poppy get up and start following me, why Poppy is...wait I think she still has some stuff in my room so never-mind. Its quiet, too quiet."So you still mad at me for the whole, almost crushing you with my house thing?" I try to be a tad friendly with her.

"Yes, and don't think just because you've got wings and a horn, you'll get treated like you're hot shit or something." Didn't like I say that earlier?

"Wasn't planing on making you rub my hooves or anything. All I want right now is to sit down and play some Xbox." I chuckle. Poppy speaks up now."He's actually pretty good! If you're well into that sort of thing." Angle nods.

"Also word around the guards is that you have quite a collection of sex toys." That makes me choke on my own saliva."Who the fuck snitched? I'm gonna kill 'em."

"Rainbow Dash mostly. You know that mare can't keep her mouth shut. But look I'm paid to protect you and shit so I'll do my job as long as you don't get in my way, alright?"

"Fine." Bitch

-That Night-

The rest of the day was uneventful and I mainly just stayed in my room and played Xbox for the rest of my day. Poppy packed her stuff and left and I'll admit that I'm kinda sad to see her go honestly. Angle did what she said she'd be doing and guarding right outside my door. The only times I saw her was when I had dinner and we did not make eye contact with her at all. But its been...rather dull honestly. I hope things start picking up soon otherwise I'll lose hope at all.

There's a knock at the door so I go to answer it. I open the door and I'm greeted with a bat...pony, shit I forgot bat ponies existed. Her coat is a darker grey color with a faded purple mane, which is up in a ponytail, ironically. Her eyes a deep bright purple surprisingly. She's wearing almost the same kind of armor that Angelic Shield was wearing but its black and with a different insignia inscribed on the sides. Once again, no helmet is worn."Hi there! You must be Kyra right?" She's excitable that's for sure.

"I am yeah. I take it you're my new night guard?" I ain't no Fazebear so she should survive a week with me. She nods vigorously and I invite her in. I wonder if you need to invite bat ponies in otherwise they can't come inside a house or room, is that racist? Nah I don't think so."Wow you've got a lot of stuff in here!" She acts like a nerd."So you're Lunar Star right?"

"Yup I am! No offense but I figure you'd be taller." I just shrug."Heh I think most of my height went else were." I had too, you can't blame me. Lunar Star actually laughs."You sound like Ice Cutter honestly. You meet him yet?"

"No who's that?"

"He's one of Celestia's scribes. He acts like how you're acting. So I'm stuck with you for rest of the night then?" I shrug again."I guess. So just make yourself at home unless you've gotta stay outside the door all night." Lunar Star thinks for a moment before looking around."Will you tell anypony?"

"Nope. Choice is yours." I walk back over to the desk that had my controller laying on it. I hear the sound of metal hitting the ground. I turn around to see Lunar Star standing there, with her armor off completely and with her mane down."Good, I was hoping you weren't a snob and I was correct. Got any beer?" This bitch just...what the hell?"No I don't...I don't think so."

Lunar Star chuckles and walks over to one of the three dressers in the entire room and she opens one of the large sink like drawers and there's a fuck fridge right there!"Here I'll get you one. Any preference?"

"Uhh not really. Just grab another of whatever you're having. I had booze here this whole time and I didn't even know it?" Lunar Star grabs two bottles of beer from the random fridge and tosses one over to me, which I nearly miss, but I catch it anyways. I pop it open and take a few sips, its been a while since I've had beer. Lunar Star, who I may just nickname Star, plops down in the chair next to me while guzzling down her own bottle of beer."So what you playing? I haven't seen a good violent video game in a while and this one looks good!"

"Well I was getting ready to play some Black Ops 3 Zombies."

"Sweet! You got a spare controller?" Well this new! A guard who is just as annoying as I am, who guzzles alcohol like I, and has a spot for video games? Okay I'll fuck with the booze loving gaming guard girl, or mare, whatever.

"Yeah hold on." I reach into one of the bags that had some of my collected shit that wasn't destroyed and pull out a slightly more worn down Xbox One controller."Here it looks worse but still plays the same." I hook it up for her.

Shit tonight is gonna be a batty night...did I really just make that joke?

Son of a bitch I did...

(Its only gonna get weirder from here ladies and gentlemen! So I'm low key not sorry about the whole weird medical examination shit. But I promise to have a more solid plot and actual character development in the next chapter. But the shitty jokes and cringy dialogue will still be there in all its glory. But I hope you all enjoyed this and until next time, peace-AJ)


	4. Chapter 4

(I've been on a writing high for the past few days so I've been writing like crazy. Chapter 4 will start to have some actual plot development so here we go.)

The Fakeicorn

Chapter 4

The Letter

-Two Days Later-

These guards are a pain in the ass, at least mine are. Angelic Shield is more or less the typical 'gloom soldier' and she still low key hates me. I had no control over what happened to her, should have moved sooner then! Stop blaming me for it dammit! And Star is a whole another story! At least Angel keeps to herself and escorts me around when I need it. But Star is about as lazy as I am. Like she either gives no shits if she gets fired or has it become so boring that she needed to stir up things just to make interesting. She comes in, actually sleeps on her shift, which is also ironic because she's nocturnal, drinks my alcohol, and is as obnoxious as I am. It's like having another me in the room! Also I found out that fridge is magical and refills itself, and can pretty much summon whatever food and drink I want, as long as the items are smaller than the fridge. Star showed me how it works, which I'm glad honestly. Also Star has a very weird low key obsession with taking a shower. Like I can't fucking explain it and I really don't want too.

But I've got something to look forward to today, which is why I've been hiding in my room. Twilight wants me to start practicing my magic, which I do not need. I've been around the internet and I know what will happen. My magical capabilities will be unlocked, I sneeze, and Canterlot becomes Canternot. That means everyone dies because I sneezed and my magic went supernova. So no thank you! I'll stick with being defective. There's a knock at the door and I hide behind the bed, this is how I avoid work, friends, and responsibilities, all by hiding like a five year old. Angel opens the door, fuck you, and Twilight walks in."Kyra you in here?" I duck under the nightstand.

"He's in there. Hiding like a bitch, but he's in here." Angel you are becoming my enemy now. I feel like Mike and Twilight is the Doctor. Angel walks around the bed and finds me holding on the nightstand pole."He's over here. What are you colt? Two? Get out here." I let out a loud groan and got to stand up, misjudge where I'm at, and bang my head on the under carriage of the nightstand."Agh fuck!" I yelp and grab my head, yep that's a headache now. angle laughs and I crawl out from hiding."You're no fun are you?" I glare at Angle he just blows me a raspberry. I walk into Twilight's view.

"Were...were you hiding?"

"Eeyyup. Magic is scary yo. Look at what it did to me!" My wings instinctively spread out wide. I hear Angel behind me."Yeah I'm looking at it." My head swivels almost a 180, yeah pony necks can do that."stare at it long enough and it'll give you all the answers you want. Now quit staring at my ass." I use my tail to cover my ass so Angel stops staring at me. Twilight puts a hoof on my shoulder."I understand you might be scared Kyra, but we need to know what you capable of. So just hold still and I'll teleport us." Wait teleport what!? In a blink of an eye my body feels cold and weightless and then we arrive in a dark cobblestone room with various runes carved into the walls."Where are we?" I look around and see weapon racks.

"The Canterlot Arcaine Training room. Unicorns come down here practice. The guards also use too." Angel sits down on near by bench."So lets see you kill yourself. Do a flip too!" This bitch really trying to get me killed. Celestia fucking assigned me the wrong fucking guard! Twilight gives Angel a look before returning her attention to me."Okay can you please step into the center of the ring over here please?" She points to said ring in the center of the room. It looks like a fucking pentagram, are we summoning Satan? Are we reviving Doomguy or something? I step in the middle of it.

"Okay I need you to clear your mind and concetrate." Okay clear your mind, clear your mind, clear your mind. I feel no different."I don't think it's working. I feel nothing new."

"Shh don't talk, just focus Kyra." I see Twilight set a few objects on the ground."Now focus your energy into making this coffee cup lift. Just picture it floating." Okay seems simple enough. I picture the cup floating off the ground a couple of different angles and directions but nothing happens. Then the pain starts to shoot up through my head."Agh! Dammit, Twilight its not working and a headache is starting to form. Look I don't think this is gonna work." I let out a sigh and Angel laughs."Really? We've been here only ten minutes! Get it together!"

"HEY! PISS OFF! I DIDN'T WANT THIS I THE FIRST PLACE!" My anger reaches a boiling point and I glare a death stare at Angel and then suddenly the coffee mug shatters right next to her, yet she doesn't flinch at all, what happened?"See there you go! I may not be a unicorn but I've seen some unicorns struggle. You're doing good." What the fuck. But my anger is still steaming over and I look over to see the binder floating in a light blue aura. Twilight looks between us."Well that wasn't my plan for bring out is magical abilities but thank you Angelic Shield. Now lets practice levitation now. You fucking trickster Angel, fuck you.

Ugh my head feels like it'll pop. We've been at it for a good portion of 3 hours. Raise it. Lower it. Raise it. Lower It. Turn it clockwise. Turn it counter clockwise. Ugh it hurts just to think about. My horn feels numb honestly. Dammit is this what unicorn feels all the time? But thankfully we've been taking a break for about 10 minutes now. Twilight was very kind enough to get me something to drink, mainly water. Angel though, she's been getting me riled up on purpose this entire time! After almost smashing her head in twice mind you, she explained her cold nature to me. Apparently Twilight actually sorta asked her to be mean to me, which is the most ironic thing for the Princess of Friendship to do. But the reasoning behind that is that some unicorn's magical process is sometimes triggered by emotions rather than willpower, but this only will happen once so I don't need to be angry again, though Twilight told me that anger could escalate if I'm pissed enough. Oh boy I feel the title 'Prince of Anger' coming on, hell no. And Angel said she's still pissed at me for nearly killing her, but she'll 'lighten up' as she said but I'll doubt it.

There's the sound of hooves running down the stone stairs, rather fast mind you."Twilight Sparkle are you down here?" A new male voice calls out. Out from the doorway a unicorn stallion walks out and into the main training area. His coat is a steel grey color while his mane and tail are a very cool blue color. and his cutie mark is a scroll frozen in ice. I've honestly never really paid attention to the ass tattoos here. I don't have one so I didn't really cared. Angel's is a bright blue and gold shield with a gleam on it. Lunar Star's cutie mark is three stars with the moon in the background. Anyway the stallion, who I will not fucking lie, looks kinda cute, not lying. Twilight trots up to him with a concerned look on her face."Yes I'm here. What's the matter?"

"My apologies for interrupting your training with Kyra here but Princess Celestia requires your assistance immediately." Twilight immediately brightens up, either for better or worse."Alright. Everypony stand still, I'm teleporting us all to her chambers." But before she does the unicorn speaks up."Actually we're going to the Royal Meeting Room." With that Twilight nods and my body feels the ice cold of nothingness and then we're in the meeting rooms. Celestia and Luna, who I'm surprised is even awake at this time of day, are gathered around a large round table."Princess Celestia you need to see me? Is there a friendship problem? Am I needed back in Ponyville?"

"No Twilight this actually involves Kyra over there." Celestia gestures a hoof over to me and instinct checks in."Hey whatever it is, I didn't do it." Celestia actually chuckles a bit."Calm yourself Kyra. But we bright you here today because we received a letter in your name. While this normally wouldn't cause for any alarm, this letter wasn't received through email or dragonfire. It was delivered by hoof as well as it is encrypted. Only your name is spelled out in Eqquish. The rest is mixed with several different languages. Here take a look for yourself." Said letter is floated over to me by Celestia and immediate looks confirms what they said. Only the words 'Dear our Prince Kyra' is written in English. Further inspection of it releases something really really odd. This entire letter is written in Latin, Persian, and German. But not just like every paragraph is a different language, no every sentence is intertwined with each language! It splits words in half and looks like a jumbled mess."This is hella confusing. But I know what it wants to say but fucking hell its almost literally jumbled." Twilight immediately grabs the letter from my hooves.

"I...I...even I'm stumped on this! How can you tell which word is what and...and...this is such a challenge!" She looks slightly jealous. I shrug at her."I'll give a bit of an explanation. I've got relatives who are both German and Persian. You've gotta learn how to read, write, and speak both just to get anywhere with either of them. And Latin is more or less just icing on the cake, curtsy of College." I take a few paces."This is really weird. Someone clearly knows me personally to write something only I could possibly read." I let out a sigh and rub my head with a hoof. My brain really doesn't want to deal with this right now. Celestia walks up to me, either for more questions or something.

"Can you translated it at all?"

"Possibly. I don't know for sure. Could take a few hours, and I'd need my laptop." I shrug and the unicorn from earlier steps up."I can help if you need any. I'm a scribe after all." Well a scribe could be helpful.

"Alright you can help. Two minds can work better than one."

"What about three?" Twilight speaks up."I can help too! Ice Cutter and I can gather any books we have about languages if it can help." Ice Cutter? That's a dumb name for a scribe, but whatever."Alright that'll work too. Twilight can you teleport me to my room real quick so I can get my laptop?"

"Of course Kyra." With that we zap into my room, scaring the shit out of the maid in there. I grab my laptop and my phone and we teleport back. Okay time to do some actual work.

-3 Hours Later-

This has been a LONG three hours. Who knew a 3 paragraphed letter, which also had a card attached to it that no one saw, could be so hard. Well its more like that almost ever word in it needed to be translated twice, some even needed to be translated three times! I was manning my computer, which had some older language help programs from college but even then it wasn't enough. Twilight and the unicorn Ice Cutter tried their own translations using books from the Library. Luna and Celestia have been relatively quiet during this time. After all of this time we finally got the damn thing decoded and translated. I lay the letter down for Celestia and Luna to read and Celestia reads it out loud.

"Dear Prince Kyra,

We have been watching you for sometime ever since your arrival in our great nation of Equestria. The artifact you discovered in your home world belonged to us but it was lost till you gracefully found it. With this in mind we would like to formally welcome you into our ranks, as you are now a full citizen of Equestria. We present you this invitation to a costume party on the eve of the 18th in October, at the Canterlot Art Memorial.

When you arrive approach the bartender and ask for the S.O Special to gain your next clue. We know you are guarded by members of the Royal Sister's guard. You may bring them if you so desire but remember we are watching your every move. We know you are smart enough to translate this into Eqquish. Please wear a nice costume, and be curious of who you will be partying with. If you are in need of a costume to be designed, we are sure Rarity in Ponyville.

We will be watching and waiting so do hurry once you receive this letter. Sincerely, your future partners- The Society"

We all blink after Celestia finishes reading the letter. An invitation to fucking costume party by some creepy stalkers? All that work for nothing."Well this is...unsettling." I mutter."All of that work for a fucking invitation. By some sort of Illuminati type figures, just great. Any ideas on who this might be from?" Luna immediately perks up.

"Sister, could The Society really be making a come back? After all this time?"

"Possibly. It seems that they require Kyra's attention for something. Kyra, what do you think of all of this?" Celestia turns her head towards me."I have little to no clue. Who or what is this 'Society' anyways? A cult?"

"Yes and no. We've had...a few encounters with them. They were originally called the Ancient Order of Spellcasters, but that name didn't have a good ring to it so they just called themselves 'The Society' from now on. They've dealt in Necromancy and illegal potion dealing. They're older than Celestia and Luna but have faded out into obscurity. But it seems they've come back and under a new banner. So this 'Society' is either a completely new order or its the Order of Ancients." Twilight speaks up."But what they want with you Kyra, is beyond us." I let out a groan. I don't like this at all, and I've got a bad feeling about this. Wait...the 18th is what...just four days away? Damn has time passed that fast?

"So what do you think I should do?"

"We think you should go. Despite the possibility to get hurt, you are still allowed to bring your guards."Luna says while reading over the letter again."We can use this to our advantage. Stage a espionage while you're getting the next clue. Lunar Star would be good for that." That does kind of cool and fun, I could play the part of a spy then. Cue the OO7 theme song, but wait...something pops up into my head."Wait. What about me? I will clearly be recognized by everyone for being an Alicorn. How much of the public knows about me?"

"Well not going to lie, but most of everypony knows about you by now." Ice speaks up for the first time."Your arrival was pretty much broadcasted across Equestria. Not to mention all of the social media posts about you. But this party is a costume party so you could cover up your wings if you thinks its going to be a problem." Well shit that actually makes sense."Plus we could inform the party's host, Sketchbook, about your situation."

"Sketchbook? Who's that?" I've never heard of that name.

"He's one of Canterlot's upcoming artists. He's pretty nice, but sometimes keeps to himself. We could call him if you'd like Kyra."

"Alright sounds good. So now what? I still need a costume." I shrug. Twilight rubs her chin for a moment."As creepy as it sounds, Rarity would probably be more than willing to help us out. Any ideas for a costume that's not to conspicuous?"

"A few. But what about Angelic Shield and Lunar Star?" I look over at Angel who just shrugs at me.

"I could dress up. Need something that's practical just still functional so I can shoot somepony if needed." Wait what?

"Y'all got guns? I didn't know that."

"Yes firearms are becoming a staple for military. But mostly only guards and members of the Equestrian army have them at the ready. You really can't tell that they carry them." Celestia pipes up. Makes sense."We will need to make plan of action."

"Agreed." We all kinda say that at the same time.

-That Night-

I can't believe that some creepy cult is after me, calling me a Prince and shit. Man I don't play with no cults. I've seen all of the movies about cults. I've played Outlast 2, this shit doesn't make any difference. I may be kidnapped, shit. But after everything we finally made a plan of action. Go to the party, get the clue, wire tap the place and steal any plans I can find. That last part was my own idea that no one else knows about. I've done it in the past and I'll do it again. And I did finally come to a conclusion for what my costume will be. I want to cover my wings just in case someone will try to mob me due to what I am. I've decided to dress up as Morgan Yu from the game Prey. Its a fun game and I really like how the TransStar uniform looks. Sleek and slimming plus it'll hide my wings very well.

I'll talk to Rarity tomorrow with Twilight. I guess Twilight arranged somethings with Sketchbook so that he knows of the situation and that the place will be wiretapped before the party. Twilight said he's actually really eager to meet me on Friday the 18th. Angel and Star are both coming with as 20s styled flapper girls, which is kind of sexy a bit, just slightly. I hear a groan as Star trots into my room. She looks tired and stressed."Hey, sorry for being late. Just got the whole run down for Friday after a really intense training regimen. Ugh I'm tired and I'm not even done with my shift." I look at the clock and its already 1 in the morning.

"I hear ya. Magic training was hard, and then the whole letter thing just got my mind in a tissy. Ugh..." I rub my head a bit."Hate to do this to you but I'm probably going to go to sleep in a few." I yawn and Star instinctively yawns back.

"Good, cuz I was probably gonna sleep if you were. So move over so I can get in with you." With that Star takes off her armor and climbing into bed with me. I was already laying in bed but I was also fucking around on my phone for a while. Star snuggles up next to me after I put my phone down on the nightstand."Mmm you're warm.." Star snuggles my body, but she touches the sensitive bits of my wings causing me to gasp. Star seems to know what she was doing because she lets out giggle. "Don't worry, nothing will happen...yet." What the hell?

"Wait what? Star...what are you planning?"

"Shh, just go to sleep. I'd rather get to know you a bit more, and then we'll fuck in the shower." I can't help but feel really really worried. But unfortunately for me, my eyes start to close as the bat pony, who should be guarding me mind you, is snuggling me with falling asleep herself.

Why I am always stuck with the weird ones?

(A bit of a shorter chapter but overall the plot thickens a bit more than just random shit. Will have one more random chapter before the big party happens. And romance will start to become more apparent soon. I just hope its not too cringy for you all. And just to be fair, Prey is a very very fun game so sorry but not sorry for any references. Also I have to add this in as a fucking shameless plug, I'm doing it for most of the places I'm on. If you guys wanna see me stream, look me up on Twitch Username- ZammaGaming12. I stream from my Xbox One mostly in the evenings. But anyway if you guys want more from this story, PLEASE LEAVE ME SOME FEEDBACK!. Till next time peace-AJ)


	5. Chapter 5

(More randomness to come in this chapter plus some slight romance. Have no clue who will make the first move, though I think Star did it first. But the romance will cliched as hell so oh well. Lets get this shit storm rolling)

The Fakeicorn

Chapter 5

Costume Expertise and Unwanted Feelings

-The Next Day-

My eyes open up to a single beam of sunlight that got through the blinds and immediately hits my eyes, great first thoughts to wake up too. I feel something warm rubbing against me, so I turn part of my body around and I'm met with the sleeping face of Lunar Star, oh right she actually slept with me in my bed. She's slightly snoring with her mouth open and her tongue was rolling out. But what was more scary was that she was sorta sleep grinding on me, ugh...these guards ain't doing shit for guarding me. What should I do? Should I move? Should I wake her up? Ugh why is this happening to me? I let out a very very small groan and float my phone over to me. Magic is kinda like a third hand for me, but I guess it would have its uses for me. It's about 8:45 in the morning and I'm pretty sure Angel will be coming by soon to switch out positions with Star. Wait...yep there's the knock! I called it!

The door opens and aww shit Twilight and Angel both walk in to, I guess wake me up but see me and Star in the same bed and Angel just looks...shocked and upset, and holy shit she's actually wearing a helmet."LUNAR STAR! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED THIS INSTANT!" Angel fucking manhandles Star, who wakes up slightly after getting yelled at, and thrown onto the floor rather hard."AGH! FUCK I'M UP, I'M UP!" She shrieks. Angel just throws Star's dark blue Lunar Guard armor."You stupid mare! Sleeping with your dignitary ON THE JOB! I should beat your ass before reporting you to our superiors!" Okay I better do something before someone loses some teeth. I jump up out of bed and get between Angel and Star, the latter struggling to put her armor on.

"She was tired as hell last night! Nothing but sweet blissful sleep happened!" I look at Twilight for any help but she just looks stunned, you're no help Twi! Angel still looks like she's gonna beat Star's ass but she's looking at me too, fuck."Look! I didn't sleep with her like that! Only sleep, like actual sleep. So stand down!" I actually shove Angel away from Star as she gets her armor on and then hauls ass out of my room. Fucking hell, good morning!

"What the fuck is your problem Angel? Look it won't happen again if its that's important to you." I let out a long sigh."But anyway, good morning. What's on the agenda for today?" I yawn and stretch a bit, and almost fall on my own hooves. Twilight clears her throat, finally her brain restarts.

"Well we were going to go to Rarity's Boutique in Ponyville. I hope you have a costume idea in mind that is appropriate for the party. We're leaving at 9:30." Well that's slightly convenient."I'll come back in a few to come get you two, so...uh be ready." With that Twilight leaves me with Angel, fucking hell. I look over at Angel who picked up the lamp, which must have been knocked over by Star when she was thrown. I let out a sigh and start making the bed, my mamma tought me well."Look Angel, I'm sorry about letting Star sleep in my bed with me. But was fucking throwing her out of the bed the right thing to do?" I hear Angel walking up behind me, and then I hear the sound of armor being removed.

I turn around and Angel is literally only an inch from my face. Her deep blue eyes are staring me right into my soul. Her mustard yellow mane is slightly messy."Are...are you expecting a kiss darling?" I try to break the awkward silence. Angel starts to actually stroke my cheek with her hoof, help me?

"Maybe I am," She gets even closer to me, I can feel her own hot breath on my lips,"I still don't like you much, but I will not lie that I do like...what you have." She actually grabs my...my fucking junk."I'll hold off for now. But if I ever see you with Lunar Star again...I'm going to make it less enjoyable for you." She fucking squeezes my junk once more before letting go. Angel leans in real quick and steals a kiss from me before backing away and puts her helmet back on. I can only stand there dumbfounded and trying to process what the fuck just happened...

These guards ain't guarding shit for me...

-One Hour Later-

I haven't been on a train since I was a kid and damn do I feel I like a kid again. The train actually goes through the mountain! How cool is that!? I'm sitting next Angel, who actually is freaking me out on how calm she is after that...thing back in my room. She's just...just reading a book while the train is going down the mountain. Okay I'm going to be extremely honest, I was kind of into that...domination. I'm just a weird fucking person honestly. Twilight seems to just look..I dunno bored or tired. Why hasn't she gone back to Ponyville after I woke up? I'm bored honestly so I just pull out my phone from the hoodie I'm wearing, its a nice navy blue color like myself, and start watching some of my saved videos I have on the SD card. Most of them are just stupid people getting hurt.

Pretty soon the train pulls up at the Ponyville station and we get off. I still can't shake the feeling I am being watched, and I have good reason to as a crazy cult is after me. We start walking around the Ponyville market, looking for something I guess. I'm just glad that my hoodie covers up my wings so no one will start mobbing me for stuff. Hey there's Applejack!"Well howdy there Twilight. And howdy to ya too Kyra. What brings ya three around Ponyville today?" She manning the apple stand here in the market. Juicy looking apples, and I'm not talking about Applejack's ass.

"We're just here to see Rarity today. How goes the apple business going today?" Twilight gives her a hug, wing hugs are great honestly.

"It's going pretty fine, Twi. Hope y'all have a good time with Rarity today. Ah gotta get back to work." With that we leave the market and head to Rarity's shop. The Carousel Boutique, such an odd name. Angel walks extra close to me and that makes me more uncomfortable than being watched by the creepy cult thing, and Angel knows this! She's doing this to spite me for the whole 'Letting Star sleep in my bed with me'. We finally reach Rarity's place and Twilight knocks on the door. A few seconds later Rarity opens the door and gasps."Ahh Twilight its so good to see you again!" Rarity gives her a hug. She sees me and gives me a hug too. I'll give hugs if I'm given one first."And it's great to see you again Kyra." She looks at Angel and greets her."And who might you be Miss?"

"Angelic Shield. Kyra's personal bodyguard. You must be Rarity correct?" Angel gives Rarity a hoofshake and Rarity invites us inside. Its very fashionable and luxurious in here. Of course it is."Please have a seat everypony. I'll put some tea on. We have to catch up!" Rarity disappears into a different room as we take a seat on this large red fouton. Angel of course, makes sure to sit right next to me, and very softly rubs one of her hooves on my leg. I'm the only one who's sitting like a human, the instinct still thrives in this one. A few minutes later Rarity comes back with four cups of hot tea floating next to her. She gives each of us one and takes a seat in her own sofa."So how has things been going in Canterlot?"

"Its been mostly uneventful till yesterday." Twilight sighs."A group called the Society is spying on Kyra in order to convert him into their ranks." Rarity looks pretty shocked.

"That's awful! Why would they have any need for him? No offense Kyra." Rarity apologizes and I just shrug.

"Doesn't matter honestly. But I was invited to a costume party on Friday. Hosted by Sketchbook at the Canterlot Art Museum." Rarity springs up like a little kid.

"Sketchbook!? Famed new Artist Sketchbook!?" I nod and she gasps in excitment."AHH I'm jealous of you now! So I assume you're here for a costume then?"

"Yep we are. Angel is getting a costume too." I internally groan as I already know she's going to try to fuck with me during this time. Rarity immediately springs into action just like a light switch.

"We have to get started! Do you two have any ideas or are we planning from scratch?" Angel and I both pull out the folder of pictures and sketches, well by sketches I mean drawings that we attempted this morning. I can't draw much but I did get a lot of pictures from the game Prey itself. Rarity looks over the pictures for both of us and while Rarity is looking over them, Angel starts rubbing my fucking leg again. Would it be wrong to smack my bodyguard? Because I'm really close to out right smack her upside the head.

"Well Angelic Shield, you're design for this dress is very pretty. Its the easier one to make that's for sure. But Kyra, yours may be a challenge, and when it comes to fashion, I love a good challenge. Now do you want the helmet and...I'm not sure what that is, a backpack? But anyway do you want those too or just the suit?"

"Just the suit. Now I'm hoping you can it somewhat slimming and snug?"

"Of course darling of course. Now do you two want different colors?"

"No white is fine for me." Angel says.

"Keep the colors the same but change the name-tag from M. Yu to Z. Kyra, if you can." Rarity nods vigorously.

"Of course! Now who wants to go first for measurements? Kyra? Yours will take longer, so I figured you could go first." I shrug and Rarity jumps up off her seat and leads me into a mirrored room with a few changing rakes. Are cloths in Equestria that demanding?"Okay can you take off your hoodie for me?" I nod and take it off. My wings pop out, finally free from being covered up."Also one more thing Rarity about the costume. I need it to hide my wings."

"I can do that! Now just stay still while I measure you." With that Rarity starts her work. I admire her determination on wanting to make costume."So how much is this gonna cost me?" I ask trying to break the silence.

"Oh nothing dear. Anything for a friend!"

"You sure? Because I can get the money if you need it."

"No darling its quite alright. Besides Nightmare Night is coming up so its no trouble at all. I'll be busy enough that everything will even out in the end. Okay can you turn around please?" I nod and turn around and Rarity takes the measurements of my back legs and thighs. My mind can't help but flashback to what Angel did earlier. Was she in heat or something? Maybe...maybe I should talk to someone about it. Doesn't Rarity delve into romance?"Hey Rarity can I ask you something kinda private? More or less, can you keep a secret?"

"Ask away dear, I won't tell a soul."

"I...I honestly think Angelic Shield and my other bodyguard Lunar Star are coming onto me, like sexually. I've only known them for about 4 days now and already Star has slept in my bed with me, nothing happened mind you. Then Angel pretty much told me she wants to do it but not now. Star said the same thing." I groan a bit, the situation giving me a headache slightly.

"Oh my a steamy romance that isn't appropriate between guards and their protection! I promise not to tell a soul Kyra. Now when did this all start? Was it an accidental look? An accidental kiss?"

"Uhh not really. I'm not sure honestly. Star was kind of the one to start it off by being very very casual to me. But then last night she slept in my bed with me like I said, so its obvious that she wants me like that. Angel, that's a completely other story. She still says she hates me but then she grabs my junk and kisses me so I'm getting mixed signals from her. I don't know what to do." Rarity finishes her measuring thing and walks over to write stuff down on a notebook.

"Well I must say darling that first off, you're a lot slimmer than I expexted you to be, which is good. Second off, you're not the first pony to come to me with relationship problems. But the advice I'd give you is to follow your heart. If you think its okay to have a relationship with them, then go for it."

"Alright, thanks Rarity."

"Think nothing of it darling. Just part of my job."

-4 Hours Later-

Jesus Christ we've been here for almost four hours! After I got done with my measurements, Rarity brought Angel back to measure her. After that Rarity set to work making the actual costumes. Mine would obviously take the longest but I expected us to be able to leave and walk around some. Shit this is my first trip to Ponyville and I wanted to go over to Sugarcube Corner and have something to eat. But nope, Angel doesn't want to leave and Twilight is worried that I my be attacked, so no Sugarcube Corner and no Ice Cream! I'm still pissed about that honestly. I can only sit her and pout while playing on my phone while Rarity works. Angel is of course sitting next to me, but surprisingly she's watch the videos with me rather than try to tease me. I'm still kind of nervous around her, okay first off she's really fit and could hold her own against me, and second off if that did happen, I honestly wouldn't fight back.

"Why are humans always doing stupid shit?" Angel chuckles after seeing that one video where the dude rides a bike into a highway sign.

"Because we have nothing better to do. That or they REALLY like getting hurt." I chuckle then my phone dies, forgot to charge it."Aww dammit. Phone's dead and I didn't think of bringing a charger." Angel grabs my phone from my hooves and looks at it. She then proceed to pull out a bound up charger from one of her armor pockets, things I'm still learning.

"Here. I always carry around a spare charger, and luckily your phone is the same as mine." She gives me the charger and I look for an outlet to plug it in at. Thankfully thee's one near by so I go over and plug my phone in. Sitting back down I realize Twilight is gone and its just Angel and I, great. But honestly I'm going to just set the record straight now.

"Why do you hate me? For accidentally dropping half a house on you? Actually on second thought, that would be a valid reason to hate someone." I just realized that if someone tried that on me I would be pissed too. I look over at Angel who lets out a sigh.

"Its not that I actually hate, HATE you, just more or less I'm trying to use you to get a promotion." Eh I'm honestly not surprised someone would take advantage of me like that.

"Alright point taken. So I guess Lunar Star is the Good Cop and you're the Bad Cop then?"

"Sorta. Look I've been trying to get promoted for a while now. Long before you even showed up. I want to become Captain of my Barracks and I've been stressed to shit about it for a while too. When you showed up and nearly killed me and Ice Cutter that night, I kind of realized how stressed I actually was. And it reached a boiling point when we first met. But after that outburst Celestia wanted me to de-stress by taking a simple guarding duty, guarding you."

"So its more about worry and stress rather than actually wanting to strangle me?"

"Yeah pretty much." Angel lets out a dry chuckle. So stress is really the cause of this blind hatred but that still doesn't explain something."Then what about all of the...sex stuff? You grabbing my dingdong and kissing me? And throwing Star out of bed this morning? Which was pretty funny honestly."

"Oh that stuff? That was more or less acting. After Rainbow Dash blabbed about your weird collection I was trying to figure out a way to subtly get back at you, without hurting you. Then seeing Lunar Star, who is usually like that anyway with almost anypony, I decided to play the act of a jealous mare fighting over a stallion. Plus you're really easy to embarrass." Wow, not words could describe my relief.

"That was all acting?"

"Yeah, pretty convincing huh?"

"You ain't kidding. I'm either just really gullible or you've really got some talent with it." I chuckle.

"Actually its a bit of both. You can thank method acting classes in High School. But you can be pretty gullible at times. But all jokes aside, to be honest, you're not that bad of a guy. Maybe a bit fucked in the head but you do genuinely care which is a very good trait for any stallion to have. Especially considering how unforgiving most of the nobles are these days." Both of us chuckle.

"But what about Star? Was she on this too or was that just icing on the cake?"

"Icing mostly. But she should know better than to sleep on the job, nor with the dignitary. But it was funny to see her freak out this morning." Heheh she is right that it was funny to see Star freak out this morning. I'm at least glad that Angel isn't trying to kill me, or hate me. Twilight along with Rarity walk into the waiting area that we were sitting at."Well that was fun! I'm finally done with your costumes. Would you like to come and see them?" We both nod vigorously and Rarity leads us back to a room where two ponyquins stand tall in and wearing our costumes. Damn she's fucking quick! The TranStar costume looks genuine like Morgan's from the game! Down to every detail. And looking at Angel's costume, its white with frills. Honestly I don't know what a flapper dress looks like all that well.

"Wow, you have no clue how cool this looks!" I gush, hey I love video games okay.

"Yes it looks amazing!" Angel gasps. Rarity seems to be gleam with pride.

"Why thank you! I'm glad when ponies love my work. Now I'd like you two to try them on to make sure the seams will hold and that they will fit." Both Angel and I look at each other and shrug. Dress up sounds better than nothing! Rarity leads us to some changing rooms and we both enter one. Okay so how the hell do I put this on? Lets see there's a zipper. I unzip the very back of the suit and stick my head through the metal neck loop and start putting my hooves in each leg hole. I fold my wings as tight as I can and use the little magic I can to zip the suit up tight and I look myself in the mirror. Damn this thing is snug and my wings don't show at all! Everything is kind of tight, especially around my hind legs, thighs, and my genital area, sadly. I walk back out to show off my new costume, I feel good.

"Well? What do you think?" I show off my body in a slightly suggestive way. Twilight seems kind of flustered, as does Rarity.

"Well it seems that it fits you well," Rarity starts."Maybe a bit...'too' well." That last part is as soft as a mutter.

"You look Kyra. And good thing that your wings don't show, even through the suit." Twilight comments. Just then Angel walks out and...and Jesus she looks, gorgeous. Even for an outfit from the 20s, she made it work very well.

"How do I look?" She strikes a pose.

"If I answered that, I think I'd break the seams of this suit." Honestly part of this is truthful. Angel actually blushes a bit and Rarity steps up.

"I think you look gorgeous darling! A bit of makeup and you'll drop every stallion near you!"

She's already dropping me, fuck am I that corny and basic?

-That Night-

I've taken it upon myself to look out of one of the balconies at the Castle. I've always slightly enjoyed starlight gazing. Something that's actually peaceful and doesn't require much energy to watch the stars twinkle in the night sky. I'm usually a night time person anyway."Enjoying our night are we?" I look behind me to see Princess Luna approaching me. I've actually been alone as Lunar Star didn't show up tonight, she may be in trouble.

"I am. Greetings Luna. Its been a while since we've spoken." I greet her with a slight bow, I can be polite when I need too.

"Greetings to you too Kyra. We are pleased that you enjoy our night. We put much work into it despite most ponies take it for granted nowadays." Luna sits down next to me and we look up together."We were hoping to speak to you tonight." Kind of figured that considering you're here.

"I'm sorry to hear that Luna. What was it you needed to talk about?" I do yawn a bit.

"It would be about your assigned guard, Lunar Star. We received word that she has been acting rather...provocative towards you and we would like to apologize for her unappropriated behavior. She will be relived of her duties guarding you." Fuck, honestly I didn't mind her behavior but she's getting demoted.

"Princess Luna, with all due respect, I don't think that's necessary. I honestly don't mind her behavior. Its nice to talk to a guard that isn't all stuck up."

"We understand this but attempted sexual relations on the job between anypony is prohibited! She is luck she is not being fired from the Royal Guard." I let out a sigh.

"Once again I object to this. I enjoyed her company, plus she is still accompanying me to the party Friday. I need everyone I can get." Luna is silent and I think she is contemplating on what I said. Truth be told this wouldn't be the first time I've had to fight for someone's job. Working a few jobs of my own I've had to be Judge, Jury, and Executioner in some places.

"This is a difficult decision to make Kyra. These kind of situations are not taken lightly. Despite what some parts of Equestria seem, here in Canterlot, its quite a taboo topic among nobles. Might we ask why you feel so strongly about defending her?"

"Eh I like having her around. She's smart and shares some of my hobbies such as gaming and drinking." I shrug. Luna actually giggles a bit at that, why?

"Your friendship with her is great. And speaking of video games, we were hoping to get your gamertag for some multiplayer gaming sometime." Shit Luna, Princess Luna wants to play video games with me? I guess that headcannon is true at least.

"Sure let me right that down for you. But please give Lunar Star another chance. She's not that bad and trust me, I've been around worst people, err ponies." I write down my gamertag and give it to Luna.

"We will consider it. Thank you for leading your ear to us."

"Think nothing of it, Luna. Think nothing of it."

-2 Days Later-

Things have gone surprisingly good in the past two days. Magic practice is still underway and I'm getting slightly better, but I'm still only good for light levitation. I've actually started flight training with Rainbow Dash, which is about as good as it sounds. I can barely keep my wings flapping fast enough to keep myself upright. Preening is something new that I never thought I would ever have to learn but I guess wing health is very important. Plus Dash wouldn't stop fucking joking with me so I'd tend to ignore her during some of it.

My relationship with Angelic Shield has gotten better. I'm still being guarded, although now I'm allowed to wander the halls without a guard during certain times. But we're actually talking rather than glaring at each other. Its nice actually, not thinking that I've pissed off the wrong pony. Lunar Star came back and she was ever so grateful that I convinced Luna to keep Star as my guard. We celebrated my victory by playing video games and drinking the night away. This seem nice. I've actually started talking to Ice Cutter some more. He's an interesting guy, pretty laid back, yet still passionate about his job as a scribe. We've even shared lunch together. We've got some good stories to share and all is well so far. But my mind has begun to wander.

I fear that I'm losing it. I haven't been here a full month and I'm already adjusting very well, but I'm worried I'm losing my humanity. My body is new but my mind should be human still. Yes I may have a slight attraction to ponies, stemming from just my own weird and unusual kinks and fetishes, but in reality I should just accept my fate so suddenly. Ugh my mind is just a jumbled mess. But my concern is my two..well three friends. Something about each of them seems to match my personality, perhaps some signs of narcissism?

Then there is the whole cult thing. I don't know where to start with it. My main concern is that I could be killed by them if I don't play to their toon. Paranoia may be my new friend too, ugh this is gonna give me a headache. There's a knock on the door."Come in." The door opens and Angel walks in. She's still dressed in her armor but she did, towards the end of her shifts, dress up in her costume for me, and Star. She likes to show off, which is fine. But she looks happy today, like really happy. A big nice smile and a sort of aura of good vibes around her.

"Hey you missed breakfast." She sits down at one of the chairs near the bed.

"Yeah I know. I've just...got a lot on my mind right now." I say and glance at the clock, which reads 9:45 am.

"I know that tone. You've caught my stress it seems." That causes me to chuckle.

"No its more like I've been stressed and it just so happened to strike today. But you look happy."

"Yeah. After we talked a few days ago I finally talked to Princess Celestia, who listened to my slightly stupid issue. But she said it was important for everypony working as a guard to be healthy both mentally and physically." I nod my head and she continues."So she told me to take today off."

"Well lucky you. So who's gonna guard me today then? Cuz Star is asleep right now and I don't think Ice Cutter is guard material." I scratch the back of my head.

"Heh I figured this would come up. So aside from being told to take the day off, Celestia asked me about how our relationship as guard and dignitary, is going. After Star's fuck up a few days ago, Celestia wanted to know if there was anything...going on between us. I told her some things and asked if it was possible to get you out of the castle for a while, because you're pretty cooped up in here. Celestia thought it was a good idea for you to mingle with the public to disputes any, rumors about you." Okay I have a bad feeling about this.

"So what does this mean?"

"Pack your bags for the day, because you and I are going on a date!"

A DATE!?

(I'm trying to take this story more seriously because I'm getting a lot of views this early. So thank you all for that, plus the 1 favorite and 3 followers! But I still need to retain the weirdness and batshit ideas I originally intended. So I'm pushing the costume party back another chapter so I could include this date idea. Trying to flesh out the characters some more. Hope you guys like it so far. I'm enjoying being able to write again. But until next time, peace-AJ)


	6. Chapter 6

(Hey guys back at it again with another chapter. Its mainly a throw away chapter with some more awkward bits in it. Also this story is also on Fimfiction now as well so go support it over there if you like. But either way, here we go)

The Fakeicorn

Chapter 6

Out on the Town

-October 17th, 10:00am-

"A DATE!?" I can't even begin to comprehend what sort of game Angel's playing right now."You wanna go out on a date? With me?"

"Well not a date per-say, as that's prohibited. It's more of, two friends going out and having a fun time! I've already got a good idea of what to do." Angel is acting like she's on drugs or something. I like her more when she's nice yet controlled and yelling at me because I did or said something absolutely stupid. But now she's as gitty as goat now, fuck that's a poor example. I let out a groan and rub my forehead with both forehooves."Why do I have a very very bad feeling about this?"

"Hey don't act all negative!" She raps me in the arm, or leg, still can't tell which is which."I know this great place we could go for lunch! They make the best sandwiches this side of Equestria!"

"Are you snorting coke or something? Because you're NEVER like this. And I'm not going out with a coke addict, not again." I groan and squeeze my forehead even more. I wonder if I squeeze hard enough that my horn will pop out? Angel pulls me out of the chair I was sitting in.

"No I'm not on any drugs! No honestly I just...feel good today, knowing that I have the entire day off do fuck all and the fact that I can drag you along and embarrass you even more! Kill two birds with one stone! So come on and lets get a move on, daylight's wasting." I let out a sigh, I guess I should play along. But I have a feeling that this date is going to go up in smoke like my actual love life. Wow thinking about that, that shit sounded depressing as hell.

"Ugh! Fine, what do you have in mind for today?"

"Well I was thinking going for some lunch, then go shopping for a while, then see if anything good is playing at the movie theater." Sounds fun and all buuuut...

"Not to be the barer of bad news Angel, but how do you expect me to pay for all of this? I'm more broke than I was back in college! And I doubt my soul is worth much here...actually scratch that I've already sold mine." Hey I was hungry and needed money for lunch. Angel nudges me lightly.

"Relax you paranoid little shit," Okay, ow didn't have to go there."I'll cover it all. Trust me, being in the Royal Guard does has it's perks. But come on, daylights wasting. And don't bring your hoodie."

"Why?"

"Because it doesn't look good on you so come on lets go!" I just realized that Angel has been stripping off her guard armor this entire time we've been talking. She...she doesn't look bad, dammit I'm gonna have to cross that bridge sometime soon. Angel drags me out of my room and into the hallway. Dammit this is going to be a trip and a half.

-Canterlot Square, 11:00am-

Damn this place is huge! This is honestly the first time in Canterlot, the city part. The train station was very close to the Castle that I don't count it. But wow there's so many buildings, shops, and restaurants in this place. Its bustling with ponies of all kinds. The majority of them seem of the noble type with how they hold their heads up high and are dressed in cloths fitting for a ball, or gala in this place. But even they stopped to look at us. This was what I was afraid of for the most part, ponies staring at me. What is it with Alicorns then? Okay, yes there are only a few that are publicly known to the world, but is it the combination of all three races? I have nothing to show for here, other than mixing a very good martini. I'm basically a fraud, shit I'm pretty sure I'd be arrested if I was posing as someone back in the U.S. But nah here I'm all good to impersonate royalty.

I start to stop and tense up when I see a few ponies take out their phones at snap pictures of us. But Angel puts a wing on my back and gives me a comforting look and continues to leads me along for this trip. We reach this large center area with a huge fountain in the center. There's several shops doting around the circumference of the fountain square. Angel leads me into this corner shop that looks reminiscent of this coffee shop that was near my house in Celi. It was one of the few places in Celi that was truly nice and beautiful. We enter the little corner shop and a unicorn mare dressed in typical waitress uniform. Her coat and mane are different shades of red and her mane is wrapped up in a ponytail.

"Oh hi! My name is Velvet and welcome to Grilled Grinders! I'll be your server so follow me." That name, Grilled Grinders. We are led to a table sitting right next to the large window, where everyone can see you and you can see everyone outside.

"So can I start you two off with something to drink?" Velvet lays two menus on the table for us to look through.

"Umm how about some lemonade?" I ask for and Velvet nods.

"I'll just have some coffee." Angel says and Velvet nods and writes down our order.

"I'll bring them right out. Feel free to look through the menu. And we do have a special today. The Sunflower on Rye. I'll be right back." With that she walks away to get our drinks. We start looking through the menus."Wow they have a lot of deserts here...and a lot sandwiches. I honestly can't decide on what order."

"My suggestion would be trying something new." Angel shrugs and sets down her menu.

"Fuck it, I'll do the special today." As if on cue, Velvet returns with our two drinks. She sets them down on the table and smiles between us."So have you two decided on something or do you two need more time?" I look at Angel and she just shrugs.

"I'm ready to order if he is." Velvet nods and pulls out the notepad to take orders with."I'll have the Canterlot Two Sub Special with no pickles and with fries please."

"And for you sir?" Velvet turns to me.

"I'll just have the Sunflower on Rye, with fries also, please." Velvet writes everything down."Alright I'll get this to our cooks and I'll have it out to you two in just a few." She leaves and takes the menus with. Now it's just Angel and I, let the awkwardness begin. I take a sip of my lemonade, its actually pretty good. Nothing special but its pretty good."So I guess we should discuss something, don't know what but something I guess."

"Well I guess we could talk about our personal lives." Never would have I expected Angel to be the one to suggest that. hmm always expect the unexpected...dammit Monty Python ruined that phrase for me.

"Alright sounds good. Considering that I actually know very little about you personally." I take a sip of lemonade."So I'll just up and ask about family. Brother? Sister?"

"I do have a little brother, he lives out in Vanhoover with my parents. Only about 14 as of right now. But pretty soon he'll be grown up and out of the house soon. What about you?"

"I have a step-brother. He's a few years behind me but in a hell of a lot more trouble than I have ever been in." I let out a chuckle, that damn kid is probably gonna get himself killed.

"How so?"

"He's in prison right now for a gang related stabbing. Boy my dad was fucking pissed when he heard about it." I take another sip of my lemonade.

"Ouch, sorry to hear that." angel looks cute when she's sad, honest to god she is!

"Eh don't worry about it. I hated him anyway." I wave my hoof in the air. At this point I knid of notice that some ponies are slightly staring at us, but honestly I'm not worried. Still haven't gotten our food yet, and damn am I hungry."So could I ask you something?" Angel sips on her coffee before looking up at me.

"Shoot." I chuckle.

"I've noticed how you sorta stare at Ice Cutter. And consider one of the things you like to do in the spare time. I have to ask, are you like gay or something? There ain't nothing wrong with it but I was just curious." I chuckle at her in a 'laughing with you rather than at you'. This question has popped up in several conversations of mine. I've pretty much come to terms with my sexuality for years now.

"If you must know, I'd consider myself bisexual. I've been asked that a lot trust me. You afraid that I like Ice more than you?" That statement causes Angel to blush lightly, but white fur does fuck all for covering up blushes. Just then our stealthy waiter Velvet returns carrying two plates and shit does it smell good."A Sunflower on Rye for you," She sets a very large sandwich in front of me."And the Canterlot Two Sub Special for you, Angel." I guess she's a regualer."If there's anything else I can get you two, please let me know. I hope you two enjoy." She walks away. I immediately grab the salt and ketchup and put both on my fries and my sandwich. I take a bite of my sandwich and dammit...why does this taste like an actual sandwich with MEAT on it?

"Mmmm this is good." I let out a small moan of delight and Angel giggles a bit.

"Told you it was good. So I was hoping to ask you somre more questions if you're okay with that." I shrug while half a fry is hanging out of my mouth.

"You talk alot about college. I take it you have a degree of some time?" I nod.

"Yep. Associate's degree in Biomedical Repair. Spent about 3 years in college working towards that goal. But I didn't start working in said field till a little over 6 months ago, and you know how that panned out." I let out a dry chuckle. Secretly I'm still pissed about that. I enjoyed learning what I did and now I don't think my degree is worth jack shit here. And I don't want to go through college again for the same things already did.

"Yeah I know, sorry about that by the way. But what other jobs have you had? You've said you've been around." She takes a bite of one of her sandwiches.

"Well I've worked a few jobs. Dishwasher when I was 16. Worked at a Medical Equipment store when I was 19, that's also where my love of medical equipment came from. Then after starting College I worked at a near by gas station till I was 21. That's when I moved to bartending. Was a really good gig for a while. Spent a lot of good long years working as a bartender till I saved up the money to fix my grandma's house after she pasted." I smile, memories coming back to me.

We continue to eat in relative silence but I start to notice that ponies outside are looking at me through the window. Not like just looking as they pass by but like stopping and staring at us, mainly me. A few even take pictures. I hear one pony point at the seat and say something about 'blank flank' but I just ignore everything. Though being watched while I eat usually results with me yelling or threatening someone. It happens way too often for my liking, even back home. Pretty soon we finish our lunch and we have collected a small audience outside as well as inside. Most of them are just casually watching but at the same time I can see why Celestia kept me in the castle so much. Velvet comes back and takes our plates away. Angel asks for the bill and Velvet eventually brings it over. Angel looks it over but looks up at Velvet."What's this? Why is everything crossed off?"

"That's because everything is free dear. Its everyday that we get to serve royalty!" Velvet gestures to me, and all I can do is sit here. Angel tries to protest but Velvet still says its free. I speak up.

"Angel don't fight it. If they want to give us a free meal, then let them." Angel gives me a glare but we get up and thank Velvet for a great meal. We get out of the restaurant and immediately swamped by ponies, fucking great.

-Canterlot Shopping Center, 12:45 pm-

After fighting through the small sea of ponies we finally made it to the shopping part of the square. Various shops line each side of the street. Pretty much every store from getting a new phone to buying a fucking refrigerator. But Angel is still dragging me along. I wonder what she's actually looking for. But she stops in front of one store. I look at it and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. My head snaps right at her."No."

"Aww you're no fun, but we're still going in. Come on, it'll be fun!" She drags me to the door. The store in question was a...pornographic store. Complete with ponyquins dressed in sexy lingerie and long tube socks. Okay I'm oh so familiar with sex and everything but I'm more of 'buy it online' kind of guy. I'd rather have that shit marked on my bank statements than risk buying something from a shop and someone I know see me. I still get embarrassed when my friends pock fun at me buying dildos. We enter said store and thankfully its empty as hell. But the mare at the counter...wait a minute. Red unicorn mare with different shades of red, what? She sees us and springs up like we woke her up from a nap.

"Oh good afternoon to you two! I usually don't get many ponies at this time of day. What can I help you two with?"

"Well we're actually shopping for him today." Angel puts a wing on my back, my own wings fluff themselves in both nervousness and agitation. The mare giggles.

"Well what were you thinking about getting for him? What's your name by the way? I've...I think I remember seeing something about you in the news." Guess I should speak now.

"Kyra, ma'am. And you look familiar too. You work at the Grilled Grinders?" The mare giggles some more.

"Its a pleasure to meet you Kyra. And no that's my twin sister Velvet. I'm Rose by the way." We shake hooves, she doesn't seem like someone that wouldn't be into giving hand err hoofshakes."So what are you two looking for today?" Angel looks at me with a grin. oh this bitch is going to be the death of me.

"I was wonder if you have anything for...restraint and control." Oh fuck me, really? Now I see why she wanted to go shopping. To embarrass the fuck out of me till I think jumping off the side of Canterlot and see how far I fall. Rose gives me a sly grin.

"We may have what you want. Please follow me." With that Rose start's walking through the shelves. I'm drug along and this store has pretty much everything from condoms, movies, magazines, dildos, to more extreme fetish type stuff. I'm wondering why this place isn't more hidden away than sticking out like its a shoe shop. Man there's kids that could walk in here. Is sex really that casual? Jesus Poppy was right. We reach the area that holds all of the bondage shit. Angel puts a hoof to her chin as she looks through everything. Rose points out different things about things like spread bars and ropes and shit like that. Okay I'm fine with a bit of restraint but there is a line I don't cross. Meaning full body bondage and not being able breath out my mouth. Angel nudges my arm."Close your eyes. I want you to try something on."

"Ugh, fine. If it'll get you off my back." I groan and close my eyes. I feel things being put on my face while Angel giggles. I feel straps and metal jingling. What the hell is she putting on me?

"Open your eyes now." I open my eyes to see myself in front of a mirror, wearing a bridle. A bridle...a motherfucking bridle. Ugh goddammit Angel. This was your plan all along huh? To fucking embarrass me in public by bring me into a fucking sex shop anf make me try on random things? Really Angelic Shield? Really?"Its a perfect fit!" Thank Christ I can still talk.

"I really, really, want to strangle you right now till you stop moving." I grumble.

"I think it looks good on him," Rose smirks at me."Have you thought about gags at all?" Oh please kill me now, please.

"Possibly. Depends on what you have in stock." Angel shrugs.

"I'll see what we have, I'll be right back." Rose walks away and I immeditaly smack Angel upside the head.

"Ow! The hell was that for?" She rubs her head.

"Oh you know damn fucking well what that was for! Was this your plan all along? I thought we were even." I try to taker the bridle off but fuck if I know how to get it off.

"Okay you caught me. I still wanted to get back at you. And guess what? I did! Now you look so docile and submissive! Really you do look cute in that. But hey at least I'm not making you wear it in public." She pats me on the head like I'm a dog or something. I grumble to myself and still try to take this stupid thing off my head. Rose comes back a few seconds later."Unfortunately we seem to be sold out of gags, which is really odd. Is there anything else I could help you two with?"

"What about reins? And also how much is this bridle? I'm really thinking about buying it." Angel helps me take off the damn bridle, I'm going to remember this for a long time. Rose takes the bridle from her."Let's go ring this up at the register." We follow Rose back up to the register and she rings up the bridle.

"100 bits. And we have a good selection of reins right over there." Rose points to one of the clothing racks. angel walks over and grabs one of things hanging there. Rose rings that up too."Total comes out to 134 bits, including tax."

"Alright. We'll take them." Angel pays for the stuff and we say goodbye to Rose. Leaving that place never felt so revealing. But thankfully the bag Angel was clutching with her wing was just a blank white plastic bag.

"I think we should head back to the castle then. Unless you're looking for something in particular." Angel nudges me and I roll my eyes."Maybe something to cover up your absences of a cutie mark."

"Hardy har-har. Very funny dipshit." I groan and rub a temple with a single hoof. I wish I had fingers to pinch the bridge of my nose like I normally do."Is there anything practical you need out here? Only thing I could think of needing is some new shampoo. The one that's being supplied to me isn't working for me at all."

"Alright we could go get you some new shampoo, maybe some new body wash as well. I never cared for any of the hotel quality toiletries supplied to the Castle."

"Agreed."

-Canterlot Castle, 7:50pm-

We spent along time out on the town. It was actually was quite enjoyable. I guess after letting Angel get that last one in over me, she wasn't trying to rub it in or anything. Like she was pretty chitcatty the whole time, like a 16 year old with too many friends and shit ton of gossip to go round. But we talked about life in general, well more like comparing not just personal lives but comparing me living as a human compared living as a pony. Granted I've only been a pony for about 3 weeks. Its...hard to describe what it's like for someone to be ripped away from one world and shat out in another.

But I guess it would have to depend on the individual in question. Angel asked me about why I never freaked out much, as I guess records suggested the few other human visitors did have moments of extreme freak outs, breaking things, you get the point. I've always had a good output on life, despite bad things happening to me before. My mom said it was probably my best trait being able to have a positive outlook on even the most disastrous experiences. I just called it not giving a fuck despite probably needing to give a fuck. Ugh thinking about my friends and family is bringing me down, should have gotten some boozes while we were out, but...I don't think sub-coming to alcoholism is the best thing for me.

In fact I don't think bottling up my emotions is healthy for me at all. I still feel a wide array of emotions, anger, sadness, confusion, desperation. Then everything that has transpired in the past few days has confused the hell out of my subconscious and I feel as I may burst, in various ways. I need to talk to Celestia...or Luna about how I feel. Sometimes I find it extremely difficult to discuss what and how I feel. I honestly just feel awful about needing to just tell someone about why I feel angry or why I feel sad.

Lunar Star walks in, yawning. I was laying on my bed half listening to whatever's on my playlist and reading a book."Hey, you doing okay? You look kind of down."

"Yeah...just thinking a bit too much. I should stop honestly. How are you doing?" I yawn.

"I'm doing alright. Hey I hope you don't mind me changing costumes last minute tomorrow. I'm going as a cop instead of a flapper girl. Just fits me better." I yawn again, just realizing how tried I actually am tonight, its been kinda busy.

"Go for it, I don't mind. Hey I hope you don't mind if I turn in early for the night."

"Nah go for it. Tomorrow is going to be hell anyway so get as much shut eye as you can." I smile and slide underneath the covers of my bed. Honestly its better than the piece of shit bed that I had back home.

"Thanks Star. See you tomorrow night, or in the morning, depends on when I wake up."

"Night Kyra, hope you sleep well." I lie back and close my eyes, realizing how heavy my eyes were already.

-Dreamscape, Unkown-

I open my eyes to find myself in an empty house. I don't know where I am. I get up and look around to only find no one. The house is abandoned and decaying. Walls are crumbling and it smells like mold and mildew."Hello? Anyone out there?"

"Afraid to be alone again hmm?" I turn around to see, well me. Well human me, or the original me, ugh this is confusing. He's sitting down in a lone metal folding chair in the only spot lighten up by an unseen light."Ya know I'm actually kind of disappointed in you kid. You seem so eager to just throw away everything we've worked on for years, just to live out your diluted fantasies from a fucking cartoon!"

"You do realize you're just shouting at yourself right? Why are we even having this conversation?" I just sit down and cross my arms. My otherself just groans and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"This is exactly why! What happened to you? Are you so eager and ready to just throw away your...our humanity?"

"Well no-" He jumps up off the chair and gets right in my face.

"THEN START ACTING LIKE IT! These ponies are corrupting every sanctity of your mind and soul! Pretty soon I'll be nothing more than a fever dream while you go off and play king!" I shove him away.

"Why do you care then! Its not like we had much back home anyway! Why go back to the dull life we once lived instead of starting anew! Don't you see it!? This is our chance to restart everything! We can still remember our past but we can develop a new life here!" He just starts to laugh.

"Then what of our friends and family!? They are probably worried sick about us yet you refuse to find a way back. All you want to do is sit back and play games and watch as our dear memories burn into nothingness! Heheh...if you want to play games so bad...then so be it." In a flash of light he disappears and the whole house brightens up. But...things feel familiar now. Windows are boarded up, white chalk outlines on the walls, the distant moans coming outside, the fact that I now hold a pistol in my hooves.

"REALLY!? FUCKING ZOMBIES!? REALLY GODDAMMIT!?" Fucking hell he legitimate wants to play a game with me...solo fucking zombies from Call of Duty. I need to change games to like Minecraft or something, Jesus Christ. Not two seconds later a few zombies bust through the window. They're all me...but just dressed in different clothing, hey one has a top hat! Their eyes glow a blood red color and I'm forced to start shooting. Firing a gun, even in a dream, is something I haven't done in a long time. Yep this pistol sucks as bad as in the actual game! A few undead fall and I realize I can just pistol whip them to death, seeing as I have no knife on me. After smashing a few more with my gun I quickly realize that either the rounds have just sped up or something worse is coming as pistol whipping them is only pissing them off.

"Do you really want to fight me like this? Just by sending out familiars at me!? Fuck!" I get bitchslapped by one and my gun is knocked out of my grasps. Way to go Kyra ya fucking moron! I put my hooves up and I start swinging just to keep them off of me. Shit there is too many...

-Canterlot Castle-

I jump straight in my bed. I'm panting and I'm in a cold sweat. What the fuck was that? I have no words to describe what happened inside my head. Is this like a sign of me losing it all now? Shit... I rub my face with my hooves, wiping the sweat off my face. I see Star is not in the room, must be out in the hall. I check the clock and its 2:40am. I let out a sigh and just stare off into space. I honestly need to talk to someone soon. I can't now but...fuck I can't deal with a nightmare like that. They were all me, is this a sign? This has to be a sign of some sort. Ugh I hope if I fall back to sleep that I don't dream at all.

Wonder if 3 am drinking is a good thing right now?

(I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. It was very dialgoe focused and had some, at least in my mind, good character development. The sex shop scene was more just for shits and giggles than anything. But writing the inter ternmoile was fun. Next chapter is the costume party next. Thanks for all the support for this so till next time-AJ)


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